TL;DR I’m stalking my ex’s ex-girlfriend and I need some advice on how to stop
Hi there. I (f23) have a problem and I hope someone can give me a practical advice on what to do.
I’m stalking my ex( m22) ’s ex-girlfriend. Like watching her Instagram each day, Facebook, sometimes I try Google her to see what she posts on forums and source like ask.fm. I completely understand that this is not healthy and I have a low-esteem. Another unhealthy thing with this stalking is that I overly focus on her look. We are from the same university so I do know how she looks like, and I never thought about her as the most beautiful or sth. But now I just go deep into this negative critical thinking like (oh, she photoshops her photos, oh, she got lips injections, botox, oh she is not that pretty) etc. I do understand that logically she is pretty, smart and unique in her own way.
For those, who may experience that kind of problem, I should state that I’m confident, smart, gorgeous, and have goals. However, I still lean to this bad path of compering myself to that ex.
I think this is because I’m not over my ex-boyfriend and complicated breakup and that he in his behavior showed me that he probably wasn’t that over her. I didn’t feel that he was happy that his previous relationship ended and he met me. One time when we were talking about breakups, he was telling about her dumping him over text after 2 years being and living (1 year) together and when he was having problems, and said sadly «well, maybe it’s for the best ». To be honest, that really hit me and sounded off. Like I do understand that this wasn’t good, but now wouldn’t you be happy meeting me? It wasn’t the first time he told me about that, so it wasn’t a moment of sharing feelings and bad experience.
I’d love to hear your suggestions on this. Thanks!
2 comments
I think our minds are curious and we become obsessive over a single person and intrigued by their life. The only thing you have in common was a person who both had feelings for.
Then your kind plays games and rationalize what made him attractive to her. And then you internalize this intrusive thought and apply it to yourself. You are the one who lives in your skin. You have the feelings and the thoughts that are hard to break while awake.
It’s normal behavior that is not talked about as it comes across as abnormal
When I start to get down deep in rabbit holes I will sometimes just delete whatever it is I’m using to “research “ — might not be something you are willing to do, but deleting/suspending social media accounts would probably help. Maybe an intentional replacement , like a word or puzzle game? This is hard to advise on… good luck!