I(22f) hace been dating my fiance (22m) for a year and half now and we’ve know each other for over 5. Getting married will of course mean that alot of things will change and I’m sure there will be alot of bumops in the road for both of us. I know that I can be the moody/cranky one at times and I do my best to prevent it but sometimes it still comes out.
What are some common difficulties with newlyweds or couples moving in together? And most importantly, how to you prevent of fix these problems?
TL;DR I’m getting married and I want things to move smoothly.
9 comments
Your hair in the drain.
Putting toilet seat down after using it.
Who’s responsibility is it to take out the rubbish?
Who’s responsibility is it to do the laundry?
Unsolicited advice? Sleep with 2 blankets on the bed. One for you and one for him.
Communication and learning to find compromises. Keep talking to each other about stuff, and maybe check in with each other a couple of weeks after you move in so you can smooth over any little issues before they become big ones.
Also, keep the romance going! Don’t forget to keep going on dates together and spending quality time together.
The biggest arguments are chores and money. Get on the same page for both asap.
Communicate.
Don’t assume the worst, give your partner the benefit of the doubt. If they’ve done something that pisses you off don’t just jump to malicious intent – it’s likely just a mistake.
Don’t assume, talk about stuff.
Don’t catastrophize in your head, talk to them if something is bothering you.
Is he tidy? Discuss expectations around chores.
Discuss finances and expectations around covering household expenses, combined finances, discretionary spending money, savings. What’s the spending threshold over which you need to talk to your partner?
Children? Yes/no/when/how many? Daycare or home care?
Pets? Yes/no?
Splitting holidays with family?
Hobbies. How much time do you each spend on hobbies? Alone time vs together time vs time with friends and family.
Are you considering buying a place or are you going to rent a place? Are you staying where you live now or is there a move in the future? Do either of you have career aspirations what could impact a marriage like advanced schooling or a travel position or a high visibility job where you’re just not home for long periods of time?
What is the role each of your families will have in the relationship? Is there an expectation that somebody’s mom or dad may be coming to live with you in the future?
If you’re getting married, have you discussed the bachelor and bachelorette parties and what is ok with you both?
No matter how hard you try to avoid them, there will always be bumps in the road. But if you remember to treat each other with respect and communicate, most things can be resolved in a way that satisfies you both.
Do not mother him. Make sure he does his share of hw, and his own laundry
Communication is key
Fair fights – how can you work through disagreements without making the other person feel insecure in the relationship. Know that you still love one another
Always assume positive intent of your partner
No silent treatment or passive aggressive behavior
Money troubles often become issues once couples live together or get married. Discuss in advance
Discuss and revisit how you will split chores and parenting. No matter what you agree on upfront, this changes over time, so revisit this topic frequently, before it gets off balance
Finances. Keep them seperate,
before you consider having kids do those things in your (bucket list)
being together 24/7 for the rest of your lives.
Inlaws (mother)
Be honest, with a commitment to the future. Talk every day for at least 5-10 minutes about details – big and small, good and bad. Fix problems before they get bigger