People have always liked my sister more because she’s nicer and a people-pleaser and wants to be liked and overly sweet and puts people before herself then periodically has a break down because “nobody cares about her” but she’s just too caring to people that don’t care about her .
Me on the other hand, I don’t mind being alone, I always state my opinion whether people agree or not, I don’t like people telling me what to do or trying to control me, I have strong boundaries, I don’t let myself be disrespected, and i don’t pretend to like people I don’t like. I’m very sweet and polite, but once somebody has crossed me/ we have an argument I don’t bend over backwards to try to get in their good graces I just avoid them or ignore them. If they want to talk to me they’ll talk to me. It drives them crazy that I’m so independent. My sister called me “disagreeable” then back-tracked and started saying how it’s a good thing because i’m confident or something. People just piss me off sometimes I always feel like they’re trying to manipulate or disrespect me and I don’t have the desire to make people like me. Is being disagreeable the same as unlikeable ?
3 comments
No… I Like You very much I would even say Admire
Not necessarily. Like you said, you have good boundaries and can protect yourself.
But like anything in life, if you take it too far, then it can be bad. For example, you say when you have an argument with someone, you avoid and ignore them. This is not a great way to handle conflicts, especially with people we love. It’s called stonewalling, and it’s one of the things that kill connection between people.
However, you also say that you are independent and don’t care if people like you. That’s fine, if that’s what makes you happy. If you’re perfectly happy without close relationships and just keeping people at arms length to protect yourself. It’s not something that would make most humans happy as we are social creatures who need close connections.
The most healthy way to live is actually somewhere between you and your sister. Being kind and understanding like your sister is a great way to get connection with others, but it’s also important to have boundaries like you so that we do not get taken advantage of. Maybe you guys should try to adopt some of each other’s positive traits.
Well there’s levels to this. Some people are disagreeable because they like to disagree just to disagree and cause conflict. Some people are disagreeable because they might actually care about their own opinion but they care about their own opinion too much to the point where they don’t care about others’ opinions. Then there’s also a respectable amount of disagreeable where you can disagree with someone about something but it’s a productive conversation