Long story shirt, a girl a work with (24F) occasionally in person appears to be into me (22M):
We’ve known each other for a month or so and she asked for my number over a week ago. There’s definitely chemistry between us. We’ve texted every day about life, interests, issues etc and things have gotten flirtier as of late. We video called twice over the weekend to watch a TV series together in bed and chatted into the night afterwards.
I ended up asking her to go out with me for drinks this weekend and she said yes, providing some other plans fall through which looks very likely.
We’ve been friends for a while and as I’ve said the flirting has upped significantly recently. We’re definitely past the stage of getting to know each other so I don’t want my intentions to be misinterpreted that we will be hanging out as friends. On the other hand, I feel like labelling it as a date puts a lot of pressure on her and comes with certain expectations. But I do want it to be a date. Would it be awkward or weird to get in touch to clarify that it’s a date and ask if she’s ok with that? Or should I feel it out on the occasion and make it clear at the time? What should I do in this scenario?
2 comments
That would be awkward to contact her just to call it a date. Just play it by ear. If the date goes well enough, you may want to slip the term naturally into the conversation, but labeling it could still spook her. Be cool, be charming, and try to pick a location with good food, memorable sensory inputs, and plenty of opportunity for conversation.
I would say don’t focus on a label and instead enjoy the time together as much as possible. Chemistry grows much stronger with less pressure and expectations from labels. For every date that I’ve been on, I’ve never said it was a date until afterwards.
Be a gentleman. chivalry is not dead. If you treat her, treat her well.
If you really want to explicitly call it a date, I would wait until the end of the night, say how much fun it was, and that you’d like to go out for “another date” next week. If she agreed, and sounds excited by this, then she saw it as a date. If she appears confused or like she’s just uncomfortably going along with what you said, then she’s not on the same page.
More info you didn’t ask for, if you’re trying to take things to the next stage:
If she hugs you for quite a while at the end of your date, it likely means she wants you to make a move. When the hug finishes, hold her a couple seconds longer while looking her in the eyes. if she pulls back further even a little bit, let go. If she doesn’t pull back, and better yet, if she’s still looking you in the eyes with your arms around her, that’s an opportunity to SLOWLY try a kiss. Lean in slow and if she pulls back at all, youre in the red 🚫. Abort before it turns into a “what’re you doing?” situation.
We live in a world where girls promote explicit consent in the media, yet they get turned off if guys don’t read nonverbal consent cues, or worse, if a guy strait up asks to kiss them.
If she’s into you, too many dates without a move will make the girl think you’re friendzoning and uninterested. She’ll pull away and move on.
source: personal experience, a lot of failed attempts, uncomfortable conversations, and a lot of successful attempts. 🙂