How would you explain validation to another man?

15 comments

1. I wouldn’t know. Typically since I’m a man I’m constantly invalidated about feelings thoughts or emotions

2. I don’t understand what that means. Do you mean to ask how to deal with narcissists/ sociopaths/ psychopaths whom only think of themselves?

3. Remember that time you cried as a kid & your parents said to man the fuck up then push that shit down?

   What if instead they just hugged you, said “life is hard as fuck but you’re trying your best” then y’all went to get ice cream?

   Now imagine having that type of reaction every day whenever you’re upset

4. Depends on the situation.

   Anywhere from recognition of someone’s feelings to appeasement of someone emotionally acting out.

   My personal view is all emotions should not be validated all of the time. I think one of the reasons guys struggle to understand this one is because we are generally not validated by everyone in society and are used to just dealing with shit. So its a foreign concept to a lot of us.

5. WTF is emotional validation?

6. What’s this emotional validation? People just scream “shut up and man up” anytime a man talks about our feelings or that men are too emotionally stupid to understand a woman’s feelings.(yeah, had the joy of her as a coworker for a year)

7. It is very simple. If someone you loved died and you were grieving, I would not say to you cheer up it isn’t that bad. Nobody would We all understand how emotions work when there is grieving.

   Validation extends this concept to ALL emotions no matter what the circumstances. If someone is feeling afraid, validate it. Even if it doesn’t make sense to you.

   It requires a certain type of compassionate detatchment. This is THEIR emergency, and you need to be able to remain calm and release yourself from any responsibility to fix the issue.

   Just being present is all someone needs.

8. Emotional validation in the healthy sense is just being understanding and accommodating of other peoples feelings. But some people expect over and above that and call it “emotional validation” when it isn’t.

   It’s turned into a phrase thats been overused and abused to the point where it is being applied incorrectly. Much like calling people who dump you “toxic”.

   My brother is a very mature person for his age and has been through a lot. He’s good at talking about his feelings, he’s been to therapy, and he fully believes that once an issue has been sorted out, he is required to move on from it.

   He dated a really nice girl, but she was someone who talked an issue to death, for weeks on end. Sometimes I’d walk in and they’d be on the couch and he’d be staring at the wall as she ranted on about the same issue they’d talked about for the last 3 days and he would then reiterate the same thing to her, and offered her the same comforting statements. Sometimes they’d be up until 4am and she’d be happy and then wake up the next day overthinking everything all over again. He would try to tell her his feelings about being worn down and how they needed to work as a team, and she’d walk away because he wasn’t validating her feelings.

   Eventually she dumped him and when I texted her to say I was sorry that it didn’t work out she replied “I dunno, he needs to learn some communication skills, he never validated me emotionally and it was toxic”

   Sometimes you just aren’t compatible. Theres no ‘toxicity’. You just aren’t meant to be together. No one is the enemy. Sometimes the other person did the best they could with what they had, and it happened to not be the way you wanted to be loved. That’s it.

   Edit: typo

9. It depends on the person and the context. I don’t care about emotional validation for myself because someone else’s opinion of my current state of being is irrelevant to me…so I may not be the best person to answer this ultimately.

   That said: If it’s a matter of explaining how validating someone else’s emotions can be important to them (which is how I’m reading your question, please correct me if I’m wrong) I’d tie it in to something the care about. Using a stereotype “So you know how the 49ers lost last week and you were pissed about it? Me saying, that sucks = emotional validation. Me saying: suck it up butter cup, is not…some times people need to hear that what they’re feeling sucks.” Something like that anyhow

10. I don’t like the concept of “emotional validation.” Emotions are what they are–they exist. But they are not always “right” or “wrong.” They just are. Sometimes they are driven by the way you view the world/interpret things; sometimes they occur in response to stimulus and are out of proportion with the nature and intensity of the stimulus; sometimes your psyche generates an emotional response to protect you from some deep trauma. You have to learn to deal/process them AND you ultimately chose how you express them.

    I wholeheartedly reject the notion that all of your emotions are “your truth” and that they are “valid” in the sense of healthy and proper and not subject to criticism.

11. i struggle with this a lot. i always think my emotions are wrong at any given moment. i always feel intensely guilty for feeling negative emotions even if i never act on them.

12. Validation is an external acknowledgement that what I feel is real and significant to me. And that while someone else may feel differently, perhaps even about the same situation or issue, that the feelings of other people don’t diminish or change the value of my feelings in any way.

13. The kind of man who doesn’t understand the need for emotional validation probably won’t understand your explanation either.

14. All feelings are legitimate.

    That shit comes on so fast and strong that trying to smash them apart or beat them back only makes you feel them more.

    So just let them be. That’s the best you can do.

15. Would I have to? This isn’t a difficult concept to grasp.