Hey guys! So I’m 35, I live in a major metropolitan area. Although I’ve been here a while (4 years) I haven’t really connected with or developed any guy friends. My 2 best friends both live back in my home state. One’s married and the other travels alot. I have joined a couple of mens meetup groups but all they do is talk about women or do events that revolve around meeting women. I totally understand this and like to meet women also but not for every event. I was hoping to find a group that does more guys only outings (like to bars, hiking, top golf) to connect and help each other grow.
My question is, how do you meet/make friends with other guys in your 30’s? Guys that actually want to be friends and not just have a wing man for meeting women. Thanks in advance for the advice.
16 comments
Sure, I have a few friends in the area I hang out with sometimes. They’ll occasionally be up for doing something more adventurous, but for the most part, they want to do things that are low key like hang out in their immediate neighborhood and maybe grab a bite, play video games, and things like that. They don’t really care about going to places where there will be more women or anything like that.
I think having high-quality friends who also want to mingle with the opposite sex isn’t a bad thing. Women tend to be much more attracted to a man when he is placed in some social context; showing up to a bar alone is a good way to get the *creep* label slapped on you. A guy is automatically much more attractive to women if he’s out with friends or some other social gathering.
I met my friends in adulthood slowly but surely through Meetup events, job-related networking, etc. People still move away, get busy with their career, or get married; so the ones who tend to stick around are the ones who are never dating and aren’t going full throttle into their career.
Do you have a GF? Do her friends have boyfriends?
I’m in the same boat as you. I’ve been in a new city/country/continent for 5 years now and I haven’t made any connections. My work went remote in 2020 and I live in the historic center of a small-ish town where all my neighbors are 65+ years old.
I suppose I’m lucky because I at least have my wife (who moved here with me, not a local), but she also hasn’t made any connections/friends.
I need an answer to this too. Everyone around me already has their friend circle and aren’t looking for applicants, or they’re “on the prowl” looking for their next sexual conquests.
This year I got into a new hobby (go kart racing) and have made a couple new friends from it. I’d say go that route. Easier to connect with people you’ve already got a shared interest in.
I’m 37. I live in a city with three dudes that I’ve known since were kids. One of them lives two miles away. I still never see them. Kids. Family. Work. It just doesn’t happen.
I made one really solid friend and a few more casual friends in my 30s and that’s good enough.
When I see someone who has a similar interest as me I spark up a conversation. This will be in public or at work, I don’t care where, if you look interesting and aren’t rude back I’ll keep talking.
If I enjoy the conversation I will exchange details. For me this is a big thing as I hate communication for the sake of it unless it’s with someone who has a mutual enjoyment.
If we manage to keep the chat going or find things to keep talking about that’s a friendship made.
We may then do something or meet up if it’s relevant.
I’ve realized over time that the guy who is my best friend doesn’t really have the emotions/time/inclination to hang out 1:1 or ever be really close. It sucks. It’s caused me a lot of pain. Like… a lot.
I’m trying to reach out to other people because we’re social creatures and need at least a few close people.
If meetup groups are your thing, try coed ones or things for specific hobbies? Youd get away from ones just about picking up women I’d hope then.
I’ve used Meetup app with good results for finding hiking and backpacking groups in my area. It won’t be only men, but a good mix. I think if you look for groups that are noted as only men, you’ll get that type of group you don’t want. Once you meet some men from the general groups, maybe you can become friends enough to do separate activities. I think you’ll have better luck meeting women as well in those groups, rather than going to a sausage fest of guys all hunting for girls.
I have done a poor job keeping up with friends
I really want to achieve a goal but it’ll take me about a year
If I want it to take 6 months I’ll have to put most things on hold which I’m not willing to do
It’s tough man
You need outdoor hobbies. Mountain bike, climb, surf, hike, run, etc. you will find friends through these activities.
As a musician people I thought were my friends who are other musicians are full of shit. I’m down to two people now. Unfortunately I’ve been working on myself and listening to mirrors by Kendrick Lamar on repeat. OP I would say meet other men with the use of your hobbies. Hang out with them and you will see their character and it will help you vet the opportunistic men from your friends. That’s my opinion I’m not sure if anyone else wants to add on.
Used to. Getting divorced and think wife has poisoned everyone against me – not that ive done anything wrong – just think she needs to make herself look like the “hurt poor victim”. Anyway heard nothing from anyone for nearly 18months. Thanks guys.
Bro i just moved from nj to CA, me and my fiancee did not know anyone here. We both like soccer so we decided to find pick up games through the meetup app.
Few weeks after we met a really cool group of people and eventually got invited to house parties and got to meet more dudes and dudettes. So far so cool
I’ve got less than 5 real friends. Not much time after work, wife and a few kids
Idk man all my friends left when i had children