I (20M) and my girlfriend (19F) have only ever slept with each other. I’m happy with our sex life etc and I think she’s the girl I’m gonna marry but I can help but have the feeling that I’d like to have sex with other people before we settle down. Is this normal? We’ve talk about a open relationship before but more of a joke then anything and I think we’d both get jealous. Has anyone ever had this and how did you get over it? Thanks
4 comments
IME, different experiences aren’t the same as different people. If there are things one of you wants to try that the other doesn’t, then exploring others to see if sexual compatibility is too off can be useful. But if y’all are both game to experiment & happy with the variety of sex within the relationship, then trying others doesn’t add much.
Just my personal experience
Well you are definitely not the first who has felt or thought something like that. But you should probably push it aside if you don’t want to risk your relationship not surviving that curiosity.
I started with my gf when I was around your age, and I’ve only ever been with her. We both agree we just don’t see not having sex with anyone else for the rest of our lives, so we’ve been (very) gradually opening our relationship.
Jealousy (insecurities, feeling of being left out, fear of rejection), is unavoidable, so patience and understanding, as well as very open communication and empathy are key.
I think this is a thing it’s best addressed as soon as possible, and with a long term plan. Start with these more generic questions and discuss them regularly until you both feel comfortable enough to give it a try, and when you do, communicate your feelings assertively, knowing you can always fall back if it’s something that makes one of you feel unmanageably insecure.
I’m married to my only. I had other girlfriends before her, but didn’t ever have sex. Would I enjoy sex with others? Of course, but it’s not something I truly want or even miss. Our sex life – when we can arrange for it (2 kids) – is amazing. We both have improved dramatically over the years and we know each other well.
Meanwhile her best friend was also married shortly after high school. They were seemingly happy, had 2 kids, and then tried the open relationship thing. They divorced within a year after.
So I’d say whatever you do, dont take what you have now for granted. There are success stories on both sides, as well as worst-case scenarios.