There were no arguments before (8month dating), very harmonic indeed, we loved each other but a month before break up she told me that she needs some space to figure things out for herself. I said ok let’s have a 1 month break. We ended up meeting 1-2 a week but I felt like she was a bit distant. After this month she tells me crying that she can’t have this/ a relationship, she doesn’t have the feelings, she can’t give me what I need etc. I can’t really understand what she means.
After the break up we met once again, kissed and had a really fun evening but also talked about the time after break up. I told her I can imagine us to be fuck buddies. She told me she needs some time for that. Now a few weeks later we plan to go to the lake together. I feel like I actually want to her back and not just sex. What’s the best way to give out relationship a chance?
22 comments
By being honest about your feelings for her and hope she reciprocates those feelings.
she does know what she wants, she doesn’t want you
If she was the right person for you she shouldn’t even have to question it or suggest taking a break. Tell her what you are looking for, and if that goal doesn’t align with hers, move on.
You need to be clear with her about what you want (to get back together). If her answer to that is anything less than “yes I want that too”, then you need to break contact completely and walk away, for two reasons:
1) You are currently giving her a get out of jail free card by still being there. She doesn’t have to go through the pain of missing you, or wonder about if she has made a mistake if you are still there in the background. By still being in her life but just to a lesser extent you are helping her cope with the break up emotionally (she doesn’t have the grieve the loss, as there is no loss, you are still available to her), and therefore actually helping her move on. In a way you are kind of justifying her decision to break up. You need to show you are a strong enough man to have boundaries, and if she can’t give you what you need then she can’t have you at all. This doesn’t guarantee she will come back to you later wanting to get back together, but it does at least guarantee some respect for your decisions and the things that you want, and you can’t have attraction without respect. If you want her back ever, you have to let her go so she can figure out how it’s going to suck without you. Go Google “Corey Wayne, 7 steps to get an ex back”.
2) Moving on will allow you to get over the break up a little bit, which will give you more emotional control over your decision making, which will lead to less shitty decision making moving forward.
Back off. Let her go, either she’ll reach out to you or you’ll know she doesn’t care.
Shes not into you anymore.
Maybe she has some avoidant traits and was struggling with those thoughts but kept them hid, and you didn’t notice (hence the harmony in the relationship).
It has happened to me a lot. More than I would’ve liked, and it makes you question your feelings for a partner, and your desires for the future.
That, of course, doesn’t change what happened. It only provides an explanation. The advice you got from other comments is solid. I’n sorry this happened to you OP
She knows that she doesn’t want you. That’s all you need to know. Sucks to be there though.
Sounds to me like she doesn’t know what she wants but knows what she doesn’t want. In these situations I find that once she does know what she wants you will no longer be in the picture.
Find a better girlfriend, she has emotional issues and she’s lying to herself and to you.
It’s going to become toxic, leave her, there is nothing to save and it’s been only 8 months.
Next time don’t date women like her so that you don’t waste 8 months of your life on the wrong person.
Run. This is the stuff drama is made of. I have been through similar things starting as FWB then being in a relationship then we took a break,…..
I ended it because I want to be in a stable relationship and if you want that person so much that you put yourself in that situation it sounds a bit bad. Value yourself and your expectations over a person who has no problems letting you go.
After I broke up I met someone who could give me a stable relationship with no teenager dramas, no jealousy and no insecurities. Reconsider your decision because as I said: This is the stuff that drama is made of.
You don’t. You let her go. It’s going to be hard for a while but with time you’ll move on and find another amazing woman who knows what she’s wants. Walk away from this one, my friend.
She doesn’t have feelings for you move on she probably likes someone else
OP there’s several stages of relationships where break ups tend to happen. 3, 6 and 9 months. Then 1 year, 2 years and 5 years.
You got caught at 9 months. So, what this means is she was initially attracted to you and wanted to date. The honeymoon phase subsided at 6 months and she started to see something in you she didn’t like or she is just no longer feeling the “spark” or the husband material feeling. Most of the time this is not your fault. You’re being who you are. The way i see it is this: She doesn’t see it going further as that feeling is gone and was upset because she does care about you and knows you’re a good partner. So, she tried to fight that but ultimately couldn’t get through it.
Let it go and move on my man.
Just have sex with her
It means she doesn’t know what she wants, but is very clear THIS AINT IT!
She doesn’t have romantic feelings for you anymore. I honestly would just move on. It’s better to deal with the pain and emotions now than to put it off and get your hopes up. Who knows, maybe in a month you’ll be over it also.
Did she recently break up with an ex before you guys started dating?
It means she doesn’t want you
It means she was infatuated with you (hey that’s cool!) but maybe doesn’t have the deeper love she wants to have for a serious partner. It happens buddy, sorry that it’s not easy to deal with but you’re not alone and it happens a lot.
Really she just likes you a lot and is attracted to you but you two won’t have a deep, loving relationship. That’s something she wants for herself (and to give to her chosen partner) so she won’t pick you again.
You could hook up maybe, like you suggested, but if you’re looking for a partner I very strongly urge you to look elsewhere.
I would walk away from this relationship. Dont text her or call her she will figure out that you wont put up with this type of behavior. Maybe there is another man 8 months makes you think.
She lost attraction
You probs changed physically
Shes met another guy she is semi interested in
Wants to be single
The future is not with you
Move on