She’s trying to right now but idk what to do. I (M20) came back from walking the dogs and I come in and my mom is screaming for me to come upstairs. I go up and my mom & dad are yelling at me telling me different stories of what happened. That my dad pushed and hit my mom and that my mom spit at my dads face and kept hitting him with a broom. They both say that the other is lying and I’m just listening not knowing what to do.
My mom tells my dad to get out and tells me to move my car so he can get out. As soon as I do that I go to head back in and my mom is at the door saying “if you don’t want to defend me you can go with him, i don’t want you here” then locks the door on me. I have the keys so I open the door and she’s yelling at me to get out because what kid doesn’t defend their mother and I should believe what she says. That I’m a rotten child who doesn’t care about anyone.
The reason I didn’t say anything was because I wasn’t there so I didn’t know what happened. How can I defend her when i didn’t see anything and both are saying the other is lying. I’m not a confrontational person so I can’t just push my dad and say something that’s not me. She knows this but still won’t listen to me and just keeps telling me to get out. She has a masters in psychology so she should know that you shouldn’t make a child choose sides.
Everything sucks, she just tells me I’m not as good as my older brother because he would’ve defended her and I’m just a horrible person. And I had an important thing tomorrow that she knows I’ve been excited for and now I probably can’t go because I’m not even able to take a shower or sleep anywhere. My dad already left so he can’t take me and he wants me to stay to help my mom.
I don’t know if I’m looking for advice, i just wanted to say what happened.
TLDR; my mom wants to kick me out of the house for not defending her against my dad even though I didn’t see what happened.
5 comments
You don’t need to know what happened to step in between your mother and father.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Can you call your older brother for help? He can talk to your mom and maybe get her to let you back in for the night at least.
My mom favors my oldest brother and this worked on her when she wouldn’t let my little brother in the house. He called from another state and guilt tripped her into it.
First thing’s first: Do you have a friend you can crash with tonight? Even someone you don’t know super well might be willing to let you sleep on their couch.
Once you have somewhere to sleep, call a trusted non-parent adult-adult (I know you’re an adult, but like, a mentor figure — an uncle, an older friend at work, something like that. Someone older than 25. Maybe your brother?) and see if they’ll help you work through what happened.
Weigh what you know about your parents. Do either of them have a history of violence or erratic behavior? Has one of them been acting strangely lately? Did either of them look injured? You don’t have to figure out what happened; you can just reflect and figure out what you do know and don’t know. Being secure in your own knowledge will help you moving forward.
Good luck. I’m sorry this is happening to you. What an awful situation.
First of all I am sincerely sorry you are going through this. I’d like to ask, is this behavior typical of your mother? If not, I’d say if you have somewhere else to go for a night or two do so. She is probably shell shocked and very irrational due to the fight and isn’t thinking clearly. Give her some time to calm down and reach out, she may reach out to you first. I hope the best for you.
>She has a masters in psychology so she should know that you shouldn’t make a child choose sides.
Doesn’t make people exempt from mental issues or from perpetrating abuse.
Something tells me that this isn’t the first time something like this (screaming match, getting physical) has happened. In which case: lay low, let your mother yell and curse, don’t talk back to her or argue, let her cool off, mind your own business, keep away from both her and your father for now until this passes (so it can’t be construed that you’re “taking sides”; but if you do talk to him, make it so that your mother doesn’t see you).
I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t take her words to heart. She’s likely lashing out and saying whatever she thinks will hurt you and your father most. Unfortunately, since your father left, you’re the only one there to bear the brunt of her anger. Try to make yourself scarce and leave her alone until this passes, and preferably work on becoming independent and moving out ASAP.