My boyfriend (M31) and I (F27) have been together for about 3 years now. He and I had long term relationships (over 5 years) before we met. Based on how he talks about his ex and his friends, I can tell that he was deeply in love with his ex, and he was shattered when she dumped him. He used to talk about his ex and his heartbreak quite a lot even at the beginning when we had just started dating. We met three years later and started dating. I thought I’d give it a shot to see how it would go, and he really wanted to pursue a relationship with me. Maybe he really saw something there.
I was with my ex for over 5 years, we basically grew up together. I don’t think I ever felt the same level of love, intensity, and fondness towards anyone after we broke up (we broke up due to a various reasons). We had a lot of common interests and I really think that even though we didn’t work out, he really was my soulmate.. or he was the definition of it.
I have been with my current boyfriend for almost 3 years now. And it’s really taking a toll on me that we just don’t have anything in common. He is a very nice man with very balanced emotions, he treats me well too. But the intensity and the passion and the “fun” aspect just aren’t there. We don’t even talk much. The sex is great somehow. But emotional connection always trumps physical needs for me.
I don’t think he could love me as much as he did his ex. Likewise for me. I can’t get over the notion that you can only experience deep love, and true love only once in your lifetime. And in our case, both of us have experienced that before in our lives. So in a way I think we’re both settling in the relationship.. because neither of us have that passion/love for another. I can’t get over the fact that I might never have a fulfilling relationship.
I keep going through phases where I want to break up with him. He said that he wants to settle down with me, get married etc… But I think he wants all those things not because he loves me, but because he thinks it’s the right thing to do (culturally). I guess I just want some perspective… thanks reddit x TL;DR! TL;DR