To be clear: I love her the way she is, I don’t want to push her to do anything. I just need help phrasing my thoughts so I don’t come off as rude even though I know she will not like the subject.
So my SO is super cuddly. She likes hugging me, cuddling me and climbing on me whenever possible. It’s adorable and I love her for it, I like her cuddling her. However, she has been gaining weight steadily through the years. This is not a problem, I love her no matter what she looks like.
The problem is that I have terrible anxiety towards the feeling of suffocation, due to unrelated events earlier in my life. And sometimes when my SO climbs on me she rests her whole body on me making my breathing very difficult due to her weight.
This isn’t a post about how to ask her to lose weight, that is not the point. I know she is super sensitive about her weight and I’d like to know how to tell her kindly that she can’t climb on me anymore because the feeling of not being able to breathe gives me anxiety.
She’ll propably figure out the correlation between my request and her weight gain, but is there a way for me to convince her that this is the only thing it affects, nothing else
If you, the reader, immeadiately think that this is fat shaming in one way or the other, go back up and read again the first part that starts with “To be clear”
3 comments
Lead with the issue from the past.
Don’t mention the weight gain, tread lightly on it but focus mainly on the anxiety it gives you.
Be diplomatic about it.
I think the easier option here is to suffocate – or let the panic attack hit you and let her see your distress, let’s face it if it was fine before, you are telling her now that due to her weight gain you feel like you are suffocating when she cuddles you there’s no way to avoid that with pretty words
When it happens again exaggerate the pain a little and say “ahh babe you’re crushing me right now” and she’ll be more careful next time?