Hello this is my first post and I’m not sure how to do this but I’m in need of some guidance if you’d be willing to give me some please. So I (19)F and my partner (19)M are having a baby. We have known each other for 4 months and now I am currently 7 weeks, we are excited. The thing is, I’ve done many terrible things to him. He has given me everything a good partner has to offer, advice, support, love, kindness, giving, caring, etc. He’s the perfect guy! I just haven’t been giving him that same energy back. There were times that when he needed me I didn’t give him the time and attention he needed. There were times I’d prioritize my family over us and the baby in favor of not being frowned upon. I’d prioritize myself over how he felt. Time and time and again I would ask him if we could talk about it and in every scenario I told him I would change. That something would change. But I didn’t. I never made the efforts to whole heartedly do everything I can to do that for him. I have lied to him over and over again with only minuscule change. I never say the right thing but I don’t even know what the right thing is anymore. I just try to do what I think is best but it never is. After a long talk he said that he doesn’t believe me anymore and that he wants to stay together only for the child. He doesn’t love the person I’ve become. He told me that I can say I’ll change and I’ll do better but he won’t believe it and that no matter what I did I wouldn’t be able to bring back the relationship we once had. I felt hopeless and I didn’t know what else I could possibly do. I wanted to fight but it felt pointless. So I told him we shouldn’t be together and that I should abort the baby if this is how much pain we were going to be in. He was outraged, and rightfully so. He said because all of my sins and all my mistakes I am going to murder our child. I just thought we would be better off without going through this. I was entirely wrong. He lost all respect for me. He is broken. Things will never be the same and he keeps asking me why I hate him. I don’t. He’s having suicidal thoughts and he believes he is throwing his life away for someone he thought he would spend the rest of his life with. Someone he thought he could trust. He’s only doing this for our child but he doesn’t even know how much more he can put up with. I still want to prove him wrong, and I still have hope even though I know it’s incredibly selfish. He doesn’t want to separate because he doesn’t want to have joint custody or having a custody war. He hates me but he still loves me which is killing him even more. What can I even do anymore? I still want to have hope I still am doing what I said I am going to do to change but I know now even then it won’t change anything between us. I’m just at a loss. I want what’s best for our child and I want him to be happy. I don’t want to keep making him go through this anymore. After this whole talk he said that everything will go back to normal and that he’s not going to say anything anymore. His feelings don’t matter and I could stomp, kick, and spit on him and he wouldn’t leave. I don’t want it to be like this. Please I need help.
3 comments
You are emotionally abusing your “boyfriend”. You need to get help. therapy asap. & then threatening to abort because he didn’t appreciate your constant abuse and lies? wow. you seem to have deep issues that are only going to get worse unless you get the help you need asap.
Work on yourself. You may feel like there’s nothing between you two anymore, but that’s not true. I think he’s scared and afraid to show love to you because of how things have been. But I think if you worked on yourself, actually do better, be the person you said you will be, then with time he may forgive you and reconsider. But you have to stay true to your word and be better. One false move and he may never give you another chance.
I think you should consider alternative options to having this baby. You’re so young and this relationship is so new and it’s unbelievably toxic. I think you have a lot of maturing to do before you should bring a kid into this.