some days i feel like something is wrong with me or my brain just functions abnormally, like i’m subhuman or something. i find it difficult to carry on conversations with people in person, at best i’ll give half assed responses or giggle to show i’m listening and i understand, but just can’t help but be awfully quiet, sometimes i say the responses in my head and i think “that’s way too basic” and i don’t say anything at all to them, and, but when i’m behind the screen, i’m feisty and super interesting to text with all day, and some people even call me ferocious, haha, but i’m like a little dumb girl who can’t have that great conversations in person.
i notice it’s been worse with this dude i just started talking to, he’s so sweet and expressive, he knows how to paint the right picture with his words, and of course, he’d expect the same from me especially when we’re on a date or hanging out, but my brain just goes blank, and i can’t sum the courage or words to express myself with him. i’m so unsure if it’s my social anxiety worsening or i’m just dumber than i thought, i don’t know, but i’m scared he’d eventually get bored of me.
although he has been very patient with me and he thinks it’s not my fault i get like that in person, his deduction is, some environmental factors had a huge role to play and i was basically never allowed to be expressive all my life and so i’m unusually quiet as a result, he wants to help me but i don’t even know the exact problem yet.
has any one else struggled with this and how did you get over it?