I loved him dearly. With all my heart. I have the happiest memories and I had some of my best moments with him.
But he did a lot of shit things too. And every time he told me how much he loves me and how I’m so important to him. But eventually I realised he is just full of shit and I have to let go. I’m 25 after all and have a life ahead of me. I want to have a family and a home and he was all over the place and unstable. I could not ever have that with him. I know I made the right decision but boy does it hurt! I ended things.
My life used to revolve around him. When I was not with him I just looked forward to being with him. He was the only person I’d hang out with. And I will cherish the good moments we had because they were really good.
I’m ok when I go to work. I love my job and my colleagues. My day passes quickly and I smile. I’m going on holiday in 2 weeks with my best friend. She lives abroad and I’m visiting her for Easter. But when I come home I have a breakdown. I just cry so much. I know I need to make new friends and build a new life. But it is so hard.
Any advice or any words of encouragement please. I’m a mess I can’t sleep for more than 4 hours. And I feel this way when I come home. I need to be ok alone. I miss him but had to let go. All for the best I know it in my heart.
14 comments
This too will pass. You made the right decision and it’s ok that it hurt. Let yourself grieve and cry and whatever else you need, but know that this feeling is temporary and you will make it through
It will get better. Revisit old hobbies and interests that you neglected (lack of better words), do things you’ve always wanted to do that he didn’t want to/said no to.
People lose theirselves in relationships and pour into the other person, and forget to replenish their own cup.
Build the life you want for yourself. Now that you’ve cut off what was holding you back, there’s nothing stopping you now.
Volunteer. Join a club.
Making one person your whole universe isn’t healthy and ends up like this.
It takes a while to disentangle yourself from a relationship. It doesn’t happen overnight but it will pass. Identify the times you miss him most and find something to say or do to get you through those moments. Buy a book on getting over a relationship, they help, and have lots of strategies. Most will tell you though, to focus on what you want for yourself that the relationship didn’t give you, and what you want your future to look like.
What shit things did he do?
I felt the same way in 2018. Horrible break up. Swore I wouldn’t date for a long time. Ended up meeting a wonderful man who supports all my wacky dreams and is out for our happiness. Grieve and heal.
You made a tough decision but it was the right one for your life. You can feel the pain but don’t ruminate in it. Maybe you can journal about your feelings and that will help a bit. Honestly, you just need to give yourself time. It will hurt for a little while but eventually you will be ok and rebuild the life you want. The future is yours and it’s up to you what you make of it. Wishing you healing and positive vibes. Keep your head up 💕
I have been there. Time will heal everything. Learn to be content by yourself. If another person can not make you feel cherished and happy, you be that person yourself. It will get better, I’m the living testimony. One day you will look back and say “oh that breakup was the best thing happened in my 20s.”
You need therapy. No one should be your entire life. So therapy, time and healing will happen eventually
I dealt with a bad breakup when I was 25.
I am now 34, married and happy, so yes, things will eventually get better.
There’s an Italian song called Nessun Rimpianto (No regrets), I remember listening to it and crying a lot, but its simple lyrics really helped me cope. Here’s a rough translation:
​
Everyone tells me, ‘you’ll see’,
It happens to everyone, but then
you’ll wake up one day and won’t think about it any more,
You’ll forget her, you’ll forget about her.
But it doesn’t work like that,
Hours spent analysing the last
moments in which you were here with me,
Where did I make mistakes and why,
But then I tell myself,
That I have
No regrets, no remorse,
But it happens sometimes that,
Just before I fall asleep I feel like I can hear
Your voice, which shakes me,
And it hurts like hell.
Like everyone says,
Time is the best healer,
Only the wounded pride takes a bit
longer to lift itself.
But I started to wonder,
If it was right for me to be treated this way,
By a person who swore to
Love me and protect me,
Before abandoning me.
I have
No regrets, no remorse,
But it happens sometimes that,
Just before I fall asleep I feel like I can hear,
Your voice, which shakes me,
But I won’t let it in.
It takes time. But your so young and you have your whole life ahead of you to find “the one” you should be proud of yourself, instead of sorry for yourself! Although I know its not easy.
I also just ended things with my so , I’m entirely torn because he was my true love but he constantly would tell me he couldn’t do this anymore and so I told him that I knew he didn’t feel the same way. I saw a future but when he’d speak about his, he never mentioned me. He was my person but I wasn’t his.. we will get through this 💜
I think if you reread your story there are many unhealthy behaviours.
Successful relationships are built on more than love, ( obviously that is important) but you should never lose yourself or who you are when you with someone else.
Maybe some IC to talk about the relationship and understand the unhealthy behaviours you displayed , get some self confidence and be ready for the next relationship.
Hang in there. Time heals all wounds. I’d look at volunteering, join a sport, look at learning something new. Just new activities to keep you busy and your mind from overthinking. One day you’ll realise you don’t miss him anymore. Good luck 😊
Edited due to a spelling mistake.