All I wanted was to get a chance to date. That’s it. I really don’t know what to say other than I screwed up and let anxiety and depression take over my good years.
Now I’m 23 finishing up last year grad school, lifting consistent and trying to diet hard, and working on fashion, grooming and socializing.
It’s too late for me. I don’t have game, the dating apps have never got me even a match. I just am insanely upset at myself. Being 5’6 and brown just make it worse.
20 comments
Dating is a rough playing field sometimes – I can only imagine the frustrations you have experienced in your attempts with it. I can’t tell you how to live your life, but as a random internet stranger for what it is worth I hope you don’t give up. I know all of the feelings you describe here – after the end of my previous relationship (spoiler alert, I was a victim of abuse in it), my self worth was *so low*. I felt absolutely undateable and I shut myself off of it for years. Only recently have I finally overcome my struggles – I’m nearing my 30th birthday now and my last relationship ended 5+ years ago.
Our experiences are different, yes, but real talk if I can hit 30 and be getting back into the mindset to date, it is *not* too late for you at 23. The only way it will be is if you let it be that way. I apologize if I come off in a way I don’t mean to here, but if you take anything from this comment it’s that I hope the best for you, and also that you will please not give up.
You are only 23. The rest of your life is ahead of you. You are intelligent and educated. You have a lot to offer. It will happen. Your height is about average, don’t make it a big deal.
You appear to be under a lot of stress currently. Talking through your depression and anxiety with a therapist could allow you to relax and smell the coffee. Sending you peace.
I’ve been there, Scorpio. Do you have family or friends nearby? I don’t think you should be alone right now….
My friend, you’re going to be alright, I promise. I’m a 5’3″, 28M who’s never dated, and you know what? I am going to date. It’s a slow process for me to realize and fix my insecurities and what’s been holding me back, but I’m getting through it. You’re obviously working hard on yourself, and you’re going to get there one day. You are dateable and you will date.
I believe in you and I hope you learn to believe in yourself!
I (26M) literally went on my very first date in late February. Or rather my first date where I asked a girl out. It went great and we went out on a few awesome dates. But we both had issues that killed our relationship. It didn’t end great and we are no longer on speaking terms. I’m 5’5” and autistic. I have to really try to talk to people.
My big issue is me a actually finding a girl interesting enough. I rarely do. This girl was special though, we really bonded. But she ended up hurting me by lying constantly and I hurt her. It just pans out that way sometimes. It made me realize there’s more to life than dating.
I’m still the guy I was before. I have my life and seek to improve it. And to others, I guess I am impressive. So I’m going to keep on being me.
Yes, that can be very upsetting. What did you argue about?
23 isn’t too late at all!! I was 20 and looking to date 23-24 year olds because I was tired of the immaturity of guys my age. I’m sure you’ll find plenty of people in the same boar
Bro at 23 I felt exactly the way you did. I wish I could go back and tell myself that within 3 years I’d be in a stable relationship and having sex every day. It would have saved me from alot of depression and self doubt. You have the best years of dating and sex ahead of you still dont worry too much!
I know it’s discouraging but dating sucks for everyone. I’m a very stereotypical hot girl and I have dating problems too! Remember you only have to find one person you really click with. It takes time. You’re young, have fun dating around and being single and working on yourself, so when you meet someone perfect for you, you really know what you like and what’s important to you!
You have plenty of time.
I feel the same way, the sooner I understand that it’s not for me the better. At the end of the day I got a lot going for me rn, it just sucks I don’t have anyone to share it with aside friends/family.
As a fellow man – I only started dating when I was 23. Not kidding, first ever date was when I was a month shy of being 23, and only a few months later I first signed up on the apps with, then, only the experience of kissing a few times.
Now at 29, I’ve since gone on probably 100+ dates and had all sorts of experiences. 23 isn’t anywhere close to decide it’s too late for you.
Guys always think it’s all about the muscles and looks. It isn’t. Work on your personality! Literally spend the hours you’d normally lift weights each week to positively self reflect.
People are drawn to people that are easy to be around. Be interesting (learn new things), be self confident (discover what makes you unique) and be witty.
Negative self talk oozes out of you like poison! Learn ways to shut down that habit or seek help to get the tools to better yourself.
Im 32 and the same height as you. Here is what you do. 1st work on your mental health. You need yo stop caring about the results. Not caring allows you to be happier and allows you move mentally and makes it easier yo be you. 2nd get hobbies you enjoy. I recommend martial arts for men. The sparking brings you in the moment. 3. Get fit and change your diet. These will help your looks and confidence.4 stop relying on dating apps. Most women on dating apps are shallow and toxic and are not their to date.
For guys it’s a massive numbers game
For women, it’s like finding a needle in a haystack
Not really fun for either. Dating is rough.
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Dang 🙁
First of all. Don’t kill yourself. There is no better way to cement your problems eternally as by ending it. Secondly, this isn’t your fault. You didn’t choose to be short or ethnic. The world sucks but there is always a solution. Always something to be done.
I’m not datable either. It’s not the end of the world.
I was handsome, active and dated alot. I was in an accident and lost my entire lower body. I’m back at college in a wheelchair, literally strapped into a bucket mounted on the wheelchair to hold me up.
At first, I thought I might have a chance to date, but then I realized I was too hideous. I get pity friendships but that’s all.
Once you realize it, you just accept it and use your energy for other things. Remember there is always the chance that the right girl will come along and see the great guy you are.
Meanwhile, be happy you can walk. My lower body is a stump. Believe me, it could be worse.
If you’re in the West you’re fucked. Simple as that. Being short and brown in the West is basically a dating death sentence.
I would continue with the weight training just for the mental health benefits alone. It’s the best stress reliever by far money (or even lack thereof) can buy. Nothing, no cocktail of psych meds or therapy or CBT or meditation can compete for putting you at relaxed reflective ease regarding your predicament than hoisting heavy weights. Trust me on this.
You have 2 options. Basically run ‘evil game’ – meaning be the most amoral, conniving, manipulative, sociopathic motherfucker you can imagine with no regards whatsoever for society’s norms and rules in order to attain romantic and sexual satisfaction in your youth (which is the only time in your life where it even matters). Or ‘money game.’ Accrue as much wealth as possible and flash it around with *swag* homie, so that you can attract the gold diggers. There’s a lot of them out there who will hold their noses and plunge into a short brown guy’s lap just cuz they’re rich as fuck.
Or be satisfied with escorts. I’ve known short ethnic guys who’ve run all 3 styles of game and attained romantic/sexual satisfaction, but be forewarned that option 1 runs the risk of being killed or sent to prison and option 2 runs the risk of being robbed. The escort option is probably the safest though not without its own risks. Good luck.