Should I wait for sex with my girlfriend?

20 comments

1. I mean how long is a couple of months? 7 or 2? Has your relationship grown?

2. ask yourself: is she gonna be worth the wait or not?

3. Yeah. We do kiss and touch and stuff and one time I even fingered her a bit too and she enjoyed it so. The intimacy is there. But I don’t know whether. I ruined my chances early or she’s waiting for the right time for us to do it.

4. I would talk to her about what a committed relationship in order to have sex looks like. I would think 1 year is pretty committed, but maybe committed to her means engagement or marriage.

5. If your relationship isn’t struggling because of it, keep waiting and asking about how she feels. Reassure her that you’re not pressuring her, you don’t think less of her or your relationship without sex, and just want to know how she’s feeling, what’s on her mind about it, etc.

   Another option is to try to ease her into it. Maybe the sex was absolutely awful between her and her ex and he disrespected and/or hurt her and if you try to plan sex she’s just going to expect those same feelings. So why not make out with her and try to feel her up again, go very very slow and make sure she’s ok with and enjoying everything, work your way up to fingering her again. Let her know that she can be sexually safe and open with you.

   With the way she’s acting, doing something early could have maybe been the worst possible option and she might have ended the relationship then and there, because if she’s still not ready for sex now, not a chance in hell she would’ve been back then.

6. Do you know what she means by “committed”?

7. Her getting mad isn’t really fair. having a clear understanding of what she needs makes sense. You need to know what committed means. Because it’s fair to you.

8. First, please fix your grammar if your a native English speaker. I nearly had a stroke trying to read this. If you aren’t, don’t take my criticism seriously at all.

   Secondly, if sex and other physical intimacy matters to you this much (which I think is valid), I would tell her that. If she responds poorly again, I’d break up with her on the spot. She seems to be hesitant on committing to you, and I cannot tell why based on this post. If you think you did something, ask her. If you didn’t and it’s all in her head, I would be thinking she isn’t capable of commitment and he’s just stringing you along as long as she can. Don’t accept that reality, you deserve better.

   Edit: Whoever caught my joke and corrected me, go to r/whoosh 😂😭

9. I always let whoever I date know my sexual expectations clearly in the beginning so there’s no misunderstanding. And I literally do not budge. I also expect the girl to tell me hers, because while I have mine I’m willing to meet hers also within reason, I will not ever be a submissive, down for pegging, do scat, or anything involving blood/bleeding.

   But that’s me. Get it all out in the beginning, establish what you both want with honest dialogue. And if you don’t match, wish each other luck and be done with it. This is how you end up with someone like minded.

10. Repeatedly asking for sex when she already gave you her answer is why she’s mad. It sounds like you’re trying to convince her which is very inconsiderate and selfish. Did you ask her for sex, or did you ask for clarification on how she views sex and what her expectations are and what you can do to make her comfortable and how to comit more fully? Sounds like the former.

    Your sexual pleasure is a frivolous want that you can handle yourself as you have been doing before you met your gf (men aren’t known for being sexually responsible so us women have no choice but to say no until we’re certain we’re with the guy we’ll marry since we take 95% of the sexual risk especially now since Roe v Wade is gone in America). Wanting to be certain that sex isn’t all you want is a need for most women and you need to step up and show you won’t leave over no sex. You aren’t even married to her.

    At the end of the day when you’re 80 sex doesn’t matter, the emotional relationship is what stands the test of time. What have you done to show her that you are 100% ready to commit and spend the rest of your life with her? Not words, actions! Have you proposed marriage? Are you guys engaged? You don’t have a right to keep asking the same question and expect a different answer just because you waited a short amount of time. 6 months is nothing. Stop asking for sex unless she brings it up. Your sexual wants aren’t your gfs problem you were master baking just fine before she came along so she’s nit restricting your sexual abilities in any way. If you can’t be sexuallt responsible then you aren’t mature enough to have sex.

    Plus you only asked for sex 4 months into dating, then again 2 months later is that math correct?

11. [removed]

12. Yeah she’s probably afraid that once you get the sex from her, you’ll stop doing the things you did to get to the “sex”. Moms and her girlfriends tell their daughters and friends of daughters this all the time. Besides most young men get the sex and dip right after.

13. no , get a prostitute

14. IMO a year is a long time to stay with someone who uses sex as a bargaining chip

15. At 19, I wasn’t putting out on the first date, but I certainly wasn’t making guys wait for a year to have sex. I love sex too much to wait that long.

    This is setting the tone for your entire relationship. Unless she is a virgin, or had bad experience(s) with sex, she is indifferent to having sex and will use it to control you.

    Know a couple that she refers to them as Birthday Blowjobs. He wanted Anniversary An… you know the rest and she said, maybe for the 10 year anniversary. When he went to the bathroom, she said, Not going to happen.

    You do you, but from my perspective, I’d pass on that relationship or at least make it non-exclusive so you can satisfy your needs. Just be aware, that means she can also, though I’d find that breakup worth. Making you wait and putting out for some rando guy.

16. Idk what to really say but if i was you I’d stop asking because it would make me seem like a desperate loser. Instead of asking straight up for sex maybe talk it out with her. Like have a deeper convo about the topic. If she’s not comfortable to do it then you can’t rlly do anything about it. Also sex really isn’t the most important thing about the relationship either so don’t worry about it much

17. The wait is what’s killing you, and obviously you and her have very different definitions of the word committed.

    You are not an asshole for not wanting to wait an undefined amount of time, clearly for her 1 year is not that relevant to even “try stuff”, And you are not an asshole for not wanting to spend 80-100% of your current 3-6 months income in an engagement ring. Specially when the ring is a symbol of you wanting to have sex/fuck and not a symbol of your love per se.

18. If after a year you both had no sex… Dont think she will ever have. Maybe she is asexual or dont find you attractive. If you are ok for a life with no sex it is your choice. If you are not ok, this woman is not for you

19. You’re still young. Don’t romanticise this relationship. She probably is still figuring out what she wants and doesn’t seem like she’s looking to be aligned to you.

    It’s been a year. You’re gonna start to resent her. Your needs and wants matter. Go find a partner who takes that into consideration too.

20. Hetero? Woman decides. Its a mammal thing. Has to do with childbirth risks. Just mirror what she wants, yes, no, or maybe