hiii so me and my boyfriend 23F 23M, in our sex life we usually have raw sex, no condom, no birth control. he usually pulls out. i know its riskyyy…. so i just had my period, and i started birth control! to solve this
when i told him he got super excited cuz i think like now its like he can cum inside. but heres the thing so i still need to wait a while before we can even do that. and to be honest i dont really want him to cum inside even if i am on birth control because it gives me anxiety you knoww? like what if
i feel like im contradicting myself because i allowed him to have sex with me raw so what difference does it make if he cums inside? but i just dont know i dont think i want that. id rather we just keep doing what we’re doing just the only difference is im on birth control.
in the past hes like cum inside me on accident, i take plan b, and then after i take it hee cums inside again without asking usually. because “oh if you are on plan b i can still sneak on more in”
but how do i explain to him thats not ok to do
Edit: thank u for the tips and advice friends. I’m gonna grow some balls and have the convo, it feels like a tough one to me cuz by nature I’m not assertive but I think I know what to say now!! better to be safe than sorry, no more riskiness on my watch lol
11 comments
You don’t owe him nothing, don’t let him put that shit inside of you.
You just say it plainly. It’s not good to take plan b if you can avoid it. It’s really hard on your body.
No matter what you’ve said in the past you’re ALWAYS allowed to change your mind. It’s your body, your choice. Don’t let him convince you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.
“No” is a complete sentence.
Both of you are 23 and adults. He needs to respect your boundaries and you need to clearly and firmly communicate with him that if he is going to have sex with you bare, then he needs to respect your boundaries. If he respects you the he will respect your boundaries. If he continues to act like a child then you can tell him that if he still wants to to have sex with you, he will need to wear a condom. No exceptions. Stand your ground. If he can’t respect your boundaries then he won’t respect you and you should question the viability of your relationship.
No means No
Babe it’s your body and only you get to decide what happens to it.
Having unprotected sex is much more risky for women than it is for men (higher risk of contracting STDs, worse prognosis with said STDs incl infertility, pregnancy- and then child rearing still predominantly falls on women). Imo it’s outright disrespectful for a man to have unprotected with a women unless it’s been explicitly discussed and consented to beforehand.
It’s really important you keep yourself safe, and that you are with someone who respects you and your boundaries. You need to be honest with your partner about your wants and needs for you own body, if he has a problem with it you need a new partner
Edit: cumming in you secretly is SA
Im two years into my relationship amd i still use condoms. I’m m24 and i agreed with my gf that we will both condoms and BC until we are sure we wanna have a baby or going to marry. You need to say no to him. If he dont listen just go a month without sex and if he pressures you tell him not without condom.
You are 23, your man is 23, both grown adults who have active sex life. Both of you should be mature enough to have serious talk about these things.
“Hey; I want to talk to you. I realized I do not want you to cum inside for this and this reason…. I expect you to respect my decision.”
And he has 2 options from here. Either he agrees, or he does not, in which case you should not have sex with him if you do not want to have it under his circumstances.
And thats it. Talk about it.
Edit: also, I have breifly gone through your reddit history and it seems like you had hard past, which probably left some traumas on you. I highly suggest you talk to a professional, as your current “anxiety” can be a result of that and maybe some underlying issues should be solved.
Good luck!
Fully agree with what earlier respondents have said regarding your right to say no, his breaking of boundaries, but just a couple of things to consider:
– raw sex on BC is FAR safer that what you were previously doing (pull-out plus Plan B for “mistakes”)
– pull out is not exactly “great” for a guy … he ends up focusing / worrying about getting the timing right … if he waits close enough that he can orgasm as soon as he pulls out then there is likely pre-cum that could impregnate you and if he pulls out sooner then he either doesn’t orgasm or it is not as enjoyable
“I don’t want you to cum inside me and I’m not open to discussing it. If it happens again you’re going to have to use condoms”