Basically my bestfriend moved in with me, we have been fucking around but the thing is she’s fucking multiple people atm, I’ve always had a crush on her so i did get a little jealous and that’s what made her end the fwb, but tn we are drinking and I’m thinking about seeing if we can start that over, idk if it’s a smart idea or not, has anyone else been in this position?
4 comments
If its just a crush, then its probably not that bad of an idea. Or you could just find someone else so you can get over her.
I would say pretty clearly that it’s not a good idea. She ended things because you, in some way, suggested she stop seeing other people – if she hasn’t stopped, what will be different for you? Mixing in that you’re best friends and roommates, it’s extra important to be respectful of her feelings, if you value continuing to be friends and because you live together. Finally, trying to initiate while you’re drinking is fine in most circumstances, but if she clearly ended things, it’s at best desperate and at worst taking advantage. Just be respectful that she wanted to stop.
I’m speaking from the experience here that for about a month earlier this year, I was hooking up with my roommate. We both went out of town for a bit and when we got back, she concluded that she was more monogamous than she thought and she wanted to pursue something with a guy she had met. I was a bit sad, but if I had tried in any way to continue, I probably would have destroyed my relationship with her.
Is she aware you have feelings for her? It might be worth letting her know what you really want – fwb w/ someone you have a crush on is likely going to hurt you emotionally. Then she can do with that information what she will, what’s the worst that can happen, you continue the wat you already are?
You need to answer a few questions about yourself before you can ask if it’s a good idea. Do you have feelings for her that are more than just a crush? If you do, then a FWB will never work out. It’ll crash and burn, both of you will end up hurt, and it’ll overall be a bad experience. You may no longer end up being friends anymore either, which would really hurt in the long run. Since you said you were jealous of the other guys she was sleeping with, I’m going to imagine that you have feelings for her that are beyond just a crush. So I would say it’s a bad idea and that you shouldn’t do it.
If you really are set on pursuing a FWB situation with her, then really consider the following. Understand what a FWB relationship really is. You need to sort out your feelings for her first and foremost. FWB relies on communication and honesty. With these two things, you get understanding and expectations – no one gets hurt because you always know where each other stands in the equation. FWB requires you to not have deeper feelings for the other person, otherwise this will develop feelings of jealousy, which can lead to anger and resentment in the person who feels more strongly. These things just lead to a toxic relationship no matter what, and neither of you will have a good time. Speaking of jealousy – jealousy is an ugly trait that you need to flush out of your system immediately. Jealousy has no place in a FWB situation, it’s very important that you understand what a FWB situation is and what it isn’t. She doesn’t owe you anything, beyond the basic FWB agreement, because she’s not your girlfriend. Therefore, you have no right to be upset, mad, or jealous if she’s sleeping with other people. If she’s being honest and communicating with you, then she’s done her part. Those are the terms. If you can’t agree to this, then FWB is not right for you and her. Likewise, you owe her nothing either. As long as you’re honest and communicating with her, you are also free to find another woman to hook up with – but make sure the other women you’re seeing also understand all of these things as well, including how you’re FWB with your best friend whom you live with.
There should be no issue talking about the other people each of you are seeing since there’s no reason to be jealous. And since everyone has the same expectations, communication and honesty should be easy. When done properly, no one gets hurt, and you can have tons of fun while not having the other more serious parts of a full relationship. I’m concerned though that you may actually want a full relationship with her, and you need to be honest with yourself (and with her) about your true feelings.