Basically what the title says. All throughout high school I’ve been in love with a girl. And only after I graduated and stopped seeing her weekly (she went to another, all girl school, I went to an all boys school, they were some blocks away) I realized just how much I loved her.
I have recently seen her because of a mutual friend. I expected her to have changed, and thus not have this feelings. Well she has changed but I still have feelings for her. Meaning, I really do love her, not just some things about her, but her, her looks, intelligence, mannerisms, laugh, etc.
I have come to terms with the fact that I will always love her, as I consider her to be the perfect girl for me.
Unfortunately, she’s only ever saw me as a friend, and told me she never knew that I liked her. I told her everything and she took it very well. It wasn’t awkward at all, luckily.
And know she is fully committed to her major and won’t date anyone, she’s never dated anyone for longer than a few months, so it is actually true.
For those who’ve seen it, I realty to Ted and Robin’s situation in himym, except we didn’t date. I feel this “unconditional love” for her, so much so that it almost feels nonsensical that it isn’t reciprocal. But it is not. And, maybe not now, but some time ago my interest for girls was ruined.
I feel I’ve been with less girls I could have because of this. I was a bit interested on a college acquaintance but as soon as our common friend texted me with this girl I like, I remembered her and I could not see myself dating my college friend. And I know have a girls I enjoy talking to, but sometimes I think “well she’s not *crush’s name*”
I now, days after seeing her, cannot even think about being with anyone else but her, even though I know it’s impossible.
I believe this will pass, as it already has in 2020 and 2021 (these days where I’m actively thinking about her). But, should I meet someone and start dating, will I think about her? Will I ever be able to see her or think about her and not think about being with her?
Though extreme, I believe not seeing her will bi very beneficial.
3 comments
If it is meant to be you’ll find each other. Release all expectations, focus on yourself, give her space. Clingy guys who say, are obviously infatuated with a girl … rarely get the girl. The right thing to do is always focus on yourself and bettering yourself.
I had no interest in a friend in college who crushed on me hard but then 3 years later we dated and I was the one to initiate.
Hey man, I’ve encountered the same feeling. It’s a long story, but I think it will help you out tremendously.
Summer 2020. Quarantine. Became friends with this girl and almost instantly fell head over heels for her. She was PERFECT, my brother. Smart, funny, absolutely beautiful (in my teenage opinion at the time, lol) I just loved everything about her. Even the little things.
Best part is she seemed to return these feelings. Every group FaceTime we’d have with our friends would end and her and me would stay on for hours alone. FaceTimes by ourselves would just be laughing and most of the times our faces being bright red from blushing at each other’s jokes.
My man it was euphoria to be with her.
One day, my friends caught on and finally told me they knew (it was so obvious) that I really liked her, and said maybe I should say something. I told them I knew I should, but it wasn’t quite the time yet.
When we kept hanging out, we just kept having good times. The flirting and the excuses to be near each other and see each other were increasing each day. Eventually I so head over heels that not being with her in person or on the phone was legitimately painful. I felt a huge connection to her, so much that being without her hurt.
One day I decided it was too much, and called her and told her how I felt. She said she reciprocated these feelings and that she thought the good times just kept on coming. After I told her it would be great if she wanted to hang out 1 on 1 and she agreed. We hung out for that one day, and man was I starstruck.
After that, you know what happened?
Those two months of constantly talking and being great friends turned into that one date, three days of ghosting, and then her telling me we were better off as friends.
I had never been more heartbroken. So much so that it took me nearly a year and a half to get over it. Every time I’d see her the feelings would return. It didn’t matter who I was dating at the time, these feelings would always interfere. It felt inescapable how badly I wanted to be with her.
But then I met another girl my man. After I hadn’t seen this first girl for a good while. Long story short we were better friends for a longer time and I was super head over heels for her too after a while.
And funny thing is this went the same way. She said it wouldn’t work because she wasn’t over HER ex ironically. She got back him a couple weeks after we kissed for the first time.
Then I met my girlfriend now. And finally, she was a breath of fresh air. Emotionally stable, not annoying, no ex to get over, plenty of dating experience. She checked all the boxes my man.
I recently saw the first girl, the one I thought I’d never ever get over. And boy has she changed. She barely cares about it the friendship that group of friends had back then. She went from all good overachiever tryhard student to partier and doing drugs and stuff. For me personally that’s a no no.
I saw her in person the other day. And let me tell you I did not pay her a second thought after I drove away. It took time, but the right people came along to help me realize that THERE ARE OTHERS FOR ME.
Long response, I know. But my message to you is that no matter how long it takes, you will move on. You have to brother. She does not feel for you like you do her, and that’s okay. Unrequited love sometimes is the story.
But you’ll find the person who makes her look like child’s play. What you have to do is keep an open mind, and willingly meet new people because the first girl couldn’t see how cool you are and how good you would be together. Things happen for a reason! Put yourself out there and the best is yet to come! Do not let her drag you down. You’re letting her live in your head rent free.
Time to give this woman an eviction notice.
This is a bit silly, but I swear it works. Whenever she pops into your head, imagine a giant eraser rubbing her out. Wondering what she’s doing right not? Nope! Erase her. Reminiscing about some moment you shared? Nope! Delete. Want in indulge in some fantasising? Wipe her away.
It’s not a good long term approach. But it will at least let you clear your head (literally) while you sort through your feeling.