Any inputs on this?
I am 32F, and my boyfriend is 34M. We have been together for a year and a half. At the beginning our relationship, we had a great connection, great chemistry, we were really into each other, and had the same goals. In the first year, we def had a passionate relationship and had great times tg. So we went into this relationship with the intent of building a future together.
For the last couple of months, I was starting to feel insecure about our relationship because I’ve noticed that he was acting differently. So, I brought up my concerns and I’ve let him know that I was feeling insecure about our relationship. He said we should talk bc he’s got some concerns as well.
Before I get in on that, a little backstory, a couple of months ago, we had a big discussion as to why we have not said ILY to each other and this conversation triggered something in him. (This is when he started to think about why that is, and started to really figure out the reason. He concluded that he feels that our relationship is lacking passion, or lacking a feeling – he can’t explain what this feeling is. And he doesn’t see us working out in the long run. He is not 100% sure if he sees a future with me, but his feelings right now are leaning towards that.)
So back to our conversation about his concerns, he finally let me know that this is what he’s been struggling with the last couple of months and didn’t really know how to tell me. He only started to feel this way since then, and suggested we should break up. Unfortunately, we are def not on the same page bc I have been trying to find the courage to tell him that I love him in the last couple of months. Pls note that we have not said ‘ILY’ to each other at this stage yet.
I told him that I understand why he wants to break up, but I believe that we can work through this and figure this out tg. We are great tg, and I feel that we support each other and compliment each other – He also agreed with this.
I really see a future for us and I believe we are great tg now, and that we can only progress and grow closer tg.
So, I said that we can take a break so he has space and time to think about this. And once he’s ready, we will talk again about his concerns and pick up from there.
Also, we agreed that we won’t give up yet until we do everything we can for our relationship.
Any advice is welcome.
I love him, and I want to make it work.
TYIA
TLDR: My bf feels that passion is lacking in our relationship and doesn’t see a future with me. He felt passion in our relationship bf. He says that there is a part of him that still wants to be with me. I am unsure if this is a phase and he is giving up too easily and if we should work on our relationship to make it work.
6 comments
He says he feels that there’s something or a connection missing btw us and couldn’t really explain the feeling. The best he could explain is missing passion. Which was never an issue before. He said he only started feeling this after someone questioned why we never said ILY to each other a few months ago.
I asked him if it could be about our sex life, he says no. And to your questions yes and yes.
You see a future, but he does not. He is trying to let you down easy. He has been trying to break up with you for months now, just cut the cord.
He DOES NOT see a future with you. Break up and find someone else who does see a future with you. If you stay together it’s only gonna be a waste of time and delaying the inevitable.
The relationship is over, and you’re trying to negotiate keeping it on life support. He likes you a lot, but he doesn’t love you. He isn’t feeling it, and there isn’t anything you can do to change that. You can’t make someone “work on the relationship” or get them to see things the way you do through sheer determination and force of will. Unfortunately, your belief that you’re “great together” is irrelevant.
Relationship is dead. I’m really sorry, but that’s the case. It sounds like he’s being trying to drop hints for a while, but still cares for you so tried to do it without hurting you. There’s a slim chance he will realise his mistake but you do yourself no favours (and make it less likely to happen) if you try to salvage things.
Don’t try to force a future with someone who tells you they don’t see a future with you. And after 18 months if you still can’t say you love each other, then what’s even the point when he says there’s something missing that’s preventing him from feeling it?
You’re seeing the relationship in terms of what you want it to be instead of what it actually is – good on paper but not working for at least one of you. You’re wasting your time here. If he loved you and thought you were right for him he’d have let you know by now. And if you don’t have the courage to tell him you live him either, it’s because you’re afraid you won’t hear it back. Both of you are too old not to be honest with yourselves.