In my teens and twenties, I was a hopeless romantic that definitely wanted to get married. I felt strong romantic feelings towards a lot of people I dated or wanted to date. Unfortunately, I only had sex four total times by age 30. After that, I got into a long term relationship. That relationship didn’t work out after a year and a half; I broke it off.
After that, I went through about four years of “sowing my wild oats.” Now, I think I would like to settle down. But, the hopeless romantic stage is firmly over and I never seem to develop strong feelings for anyone I’m dating, at least nothing close to what I felt like 10 years ago.
Is this common? What is everyone else’s experience? For men that got married in their twenties, how do you feel about it? Men that haven’t been married or got married in their thirties, what is your experience? And has anyone ever gone a little overboard in sowing their wild oats? Do you think it jaded you or made you less romantic?
7 comments
Went from believing in it to realizing it’s probably nothing for me and it’s basically a 3-year leas until one of the two goes mentally insane being around the other.
I developed strong romantic feelings too when I was young. The whole hopeless romantic thing. Then life happened and taught me a lesson about what is *really* important – and I grew up.
My best friend who’s been the Scully to my Mulder from when she and I were both in middle school. She’s really helped me keep it pure, because she just stands and an example that women can be really great when it comes down to it and it wasn’t something I was doing wrong when I struck out romantically. These days I stride to enjoy a woman’s company, rather than bed her.
Like building a tolerance for alcohol over repeated consumption, many/most of us build up a tolerance for that obsessive & euphoric rush of youthful romance.
We also usually refine our tastes as we mature: whereas we might have loved getting totally wasted on cheap suds in our youth, we lean more towards moderate consumption of finer distilled spirits as we age.
You put up with less bullshit I look at it as a cost analysis am I getting a return on my investment if not I move on
I used to think that it might be possible (the whole romance thing). But as I grew older I started to see that it doesn’t really exist, at least in the form I thought it would. These days “romance” seems much more like exploitation of others for your own personal benefit. People are much more interested in perceived status and material welfare than twiddling fingers in bed with their spouse. So imo to most people romance in itself doesn’t matter, it’s just a stepping stone into something more, usually a big house and an air of “success”. Just one of the mundane things on the checklist of life, nothing more.
I saw it as something beautiful that I wanted to experience one day.However, as I aged and my mental health worsened, I see it as something that I’m not cut out for because I cannot possibly see how anyone would see in a romantic way, so I have up on the idea of romance.