I just had a catchup with a friend last night who (23F) was telling me about her date (24M); how their first date went great, had lots in common and chemistry, etc. Definitely had sexual chemistry by the sounds of it. Before their next date, she mentioned to him to bring condoms as she was open to having sex with him. He didn’t disagree to this.
Now to the next date, all is going well she invites him back to her place and they started hooking up and go down on one another. Next thing she knows, he is about to put his penis in her without a condom. She stopped him and asked to put a condom on, he says he hasn’t brought any, no worries she say, since she had some at home. She managed to find them and then he decides that he won’t have sex with one because he “never used them before with girls and can’t have sex with one”. The nerve of that answer! But assured her he isn’t sleeping with anyone else and because she’s on birth control, there is no issue.
Obviously, considering he has never used one with a girl, she definitely was not wanting to have unprotected sex. She explained that it was still early days and they were not exclusive yet and therefore she wasn’t comfortable not using a condom. Fast forward to 30 minutes later he begins kissing her again and grinding on her and the rest, and then tried to push the issue again. She say no again, he decides he doesn’t want to see her again.
Since when did protected sex become uncool? Why would a guy refuse to wear a condom? Is he not concerned about STDs himself?
Surely this isn’t the new normal…
My friend is absolutely gutted that she lost him since they had such a great connection, but I can’t seem to get it into her head that she just dodged a bullet!
25 comments
This is the new normal. Trying to get a sub 30 guy to wear a condom is like trying to get a kid to wear a jacket over their Halloween costume. “OmG you can’t even see it”
I told one of the younger guys I work with that I wore a condom for the first 9 years I was having sex and he thought that was ridiculous. When I had my first kid it was my first time ever doing it without and I was 23, and I went back to condoms afterward. Most of the women I know don’t make a guy wear one, just plan B and go to a clinic after.
With the current state of abortion rights in the US everyone not actively trying to have a kid should probably use condoms. I’m not even sure I’d trust an IUD alone in some of these states
There is no redeeming quality for guys like this.
1. agreed to something he had no intention of doing to shut her up
2. tries to fuck her despite knowing that fact (this is rape btw)
3. DOES IT AGAIN
​
irredeemable. tell her to block him and lose the number.
At least he started waving his red flag on the second date! He sounds selfish, stupid, and manipulative. I’m a lot older (39) and really hope that this is not the norm with young dudes.
last time I asked myself the same question and publickly asked it here, as in wtf is the problem with men and the condom drama I got insulted quite heavily.
You’re not wrong. The statistics show that unprotected sex is going strong and STI infection rates are really high. The fact that a 24 year old guy had multiple past partners and never used a condom is just… SMH.
Canada : https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/publications/diseases-conditions/report-sexually-transmitted-infections-canada-2018.html
> rates of STIs have been increasing dramatically over the last decade and continue to be a significant and increasing public health concern in Canada.
US: https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2021/p0413-stds.html
> A nearly 30% increase in these reportable STDs between 2015 and 2019.
Speaking of being concerned about STDs:
>they started hooking up and go down on one another
That’s all you really need to contract some of them…
It seems to be a thing with younger guys. No idea what’s driving it. I think the older generations had to deal with more deadly STDs so it was less of an issue.
This sub has convinced me there are either fully-grown functioning adults capable of making responsible decisions, or people with teenage mindsets who never grow up and have zero concept of safety, boundaries, and basic human decency….. the absolutely idiocy of people continues to surprise me.
Based on what I have read from countless STD related threads on Reddit, A LOT of people believe that STDs are not a big deal, first because most of them are “invisible” and often asymptomatic, and also because there are treatments for everything nowadays.
I’ve already read so many comments saying something along the lines of “You got Chlamydia and Gonorrhea? No need to worry about it at all! You can clear those up with a short round of antibiotics in 2 weeks or so, easy peasy!”. I imagine that uneducated people read this and think that catching STDs is like catching the common cold, not knowing how bad it could actually get.
That being said, you should let your friend know that you can still catch STDs through oral sex. I wouldn’t bother giving somebody a blowjob with a condom, that’s why I’d much rather make sure that somebody is clean before engaging in anything, but I recognize that most people aren’t willing to go through the hassle and just say “fuck it”.
And remember kids, if they are willing to have unprotected sex with you so easily, they have most likely had unprotected sex with many others before, which puts you at an even greater risk of catching something, and this something could be incurable.
As a female, from my experience most guys try to wiggle out of wearing one. Older and younger, even if it’s a hook up. I’ve had guys try taking it off during sex or pretending to put it on, always saying that they’re clean and they’ll pull out before cumming etc
Yeah, that’s fucking insane. When I was single I wouldn’t leave the house for a date without a condom or two on me, in case they didn’t have any. Even though creampies were/are my absolute number one fetish, I never had unprotected because it would *so* not be worth STDs or pregnancy (and I’m not even the one who would have to deal with the physical consequences of pregnancy).
Safe sex is the absolute lowest baseline bar to clear.
I work at a clinic that tests for STDs. Business is good.
He never used a condom with a girl before?! That’d tell me everything I need to know
unfortunately this is the norm. obviously still good eggs around aho don’t even second guess wrapping up, but guys just ugh
Never used them!? That’s a walking std right there! Anyone new, a responsible, self respecting person would be using them until they can confidently check all the boxes
**This has been going on for as long as there have been condoms**.
The very first condoms I would imagine must of felt like wearing a trash bag.
I (M) always use a condom until I get into an exclusive relationship. However, I have knowledge on my side. I worked as an orderly all through college and as a 2nd job for a couple more years after college.
I can’t tell you how many drop dead gorgeous women, who you wouldn’t think would have an STD, came into the ER to get tested ‘cuz it burns or itches down there. Then the tests come back that she had chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis or some other STD. And I’ve seen, and even known, women with genital herpes.
So, always a condom for me with new women.
Do I like condoms? No. However, I far better like not having syphilis or herpes or HIV or accidentally knocking up a woman.
or like you know the other tiny problem CHILDREN lol
You didn’t really think I’d miss this one, [you post stealing karma thief?](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/n904xg/since_when_did_safe_sex_be_too_much_to_ask_for/)
Snoop dogg made wearing condoms cool in the 90s
I’ve had that issue since I was 17. Men do not care plain and simple. This one guy said “you’ll be alright” after c**ing in me. I am now 24 and it’s happened way more than you expect
I am 34 years old… can confirm from personal experiences and experiences of my friends… guys will usually always try to coerce you into unprotected sex for a myriad of reasons. I haven’t had a sexual partner since my early 20s that has not voiced a problem with wearing a condom.
I find men/boys like that so unrepentantly juvenile and selfish.
I’m 29 and in a monogamous relationship with my wife, we have 2 kids, so it’s not particularly a concern for me, but were I single I would *never* not use a condom unless my partner and I were exclusive.
I also find the oft-repeated statements from other male users on this website ridiculous. “I can’t feel anything”, “I’ve never gotten off with one”, “It feels like I’m wearing a straight jacket and I lose my boner”. All of that is ridiculous lies, grow the fuck up and be responsible, you’re not going to die if you don’t “feel everything”. Fucking man-babies.
I mean, I don’t use a condom with women, but that just means I don’t want or expect sex until we’re exclusive, we’ve both been tested, and I know she’s on some kind of birth control. Getting aggressive and pushing for unprotected sex when you clearly didn’t want it is unacceptable and pushing for it before he knows you’re clean and on bc is just plain stupid. She dodged a bullet.
This seems to me to be par for the course. This has happened to so many women I know that frankly I can’t keep track.
I think there’s been a waxing and waning in popularity of condoms. Pre birth control pills, condoms were pretty common, the main birth control. Then gradually guys started just assuming that women were on birth control pills or would just have an abortion and in any case it wasn’t their problem. Then AIDS came along so people who came of age in the 1980s and 1990s were pretty good about using condoms, it became expected and standard. Then as AIDS became less of a factor as we had more of a handle on it plus it was no longer strictly a very quick death sentence, guys started to feel more entitled to not use them and they were back to the default of birth control is the women’s problem, not theirs.
It’s one of those things where you tell him one thing about yourself (“I want you to use a condom”) and he told you absolutely everything about himself with his reaction to that.
Your friend dodged a bullet! If he never uses condoms, he almost certainly has HPV and who knows what else he could have gotten. And he doesn’t give a shit about her welfare so there. I find it useful in these cases to image what’s in his head when he thinks of the evening. I think it’s somewhere along the lines of “that bitch. I totally had her until she was like super bitchy that I had to wear a condom. Dude, she was using the pill! Total paranoid control freak! I can’t feel anything with a condom, how dare she?”