I (35f) pregnant but my bf (40m) won’t discuss important issues

Tl;dr I’m pregnant and 2.5 weeks later my bf and I still haven’t figured out what we are going to do. Is he dragging his feet?

I (35f) recently found out I’m pregnant. My bf (40m) and I have only been together 6 months. Both of our first. Having a family is something we both want and expressed. When I shared the news, my bf was shocked but happy. Since then I’ve been excited. I noticed that for the first week, my bf wouldn’t even say the word baby or talk about it. Just would ask how I’m feeling.

A week after we found out, we scheduled time for us (Sat) to discuss what’s next. He expressed that he’s both excited yet terrified. He’s not a planner and he’s really only thought about himself on a 3 day outlook and this is for life. I let him know that I understood and there are 3 paths here 1) we do this together 2) we aren’t together and are amazing coparents from the start 3) we don’t do this at all. My preference is #1 but that he needed to really let me know where his head is at. I don’t want to find out at 40W or in 2 years that he just wanted to do the right thing, didn’t want this, never loved me. He expressed he does care and love me. He preferred 1) but is worried ab things ending badly. He grew up in 2) and it’s ok but he prefers a unit and 3) is upsetting. I told him that I expected this convo to be about finances, living arrangements, etc. I also shared with him how I felt alone, he doesn’t talk about the baby and so I don’t feel I can share what I’m learning about what to come (which I find exciting so I just tell my bff). He got upset at hearing these things because he felt like an asshole. I told him that it’s up to him to be more active, if he wants this, but that he can also not want this and then we need to figure out between options 2) or 3). It was an emotional convo and instead of staying the night, he decided to leave (we don’t live together) and asked if we could start fresh the next day and he wanted to take me on a date. I said ok and the next day was really nice but we didn’t talk about the bigger convo.

On Monday, thinking about the weekend, I felt distraught that we aren’t aligned and that if after a week, he couldn’t demonstrate he was in this with me, then he was nonverbally telling me. I called him to end things between us so that we or I could focus on myself, my baby and option 2. No hard feelings, let’s be great co parents from the start. He was upset and said that he wanted us to visit his mom soon etc. That he’s excited. He drove to my place and spent the night without me asking to comfort me. He said that the next day he’d come over after work and we’d figure it out since he could see that it was stressing me out. Tuesday comes and he mixed up his work schedule and ended up working that evening to my disappointment. He invited over Wed and gave me a huge surprise by making me dinner. This man really only knows how to microwave and order DoorDash so this was a huge surprise. But no convo. On Thurs, he was asking me about what fruit size the baby is and I told him if we were ever going to address the larger topics. He said the following Tuesday, he wanted me to come over so he could cook for “both of you” again. He was going away for the weekend to see his cousin. Fine. I figured that maybe he just needed time to get his head on straight. I also told him that my patience was wearing thin. (I feel like this is being dragged out and I feel that if he was in this, I’d feel confident and I don’t.)

During the weekend, right as he arrived he told me that he’s excited for this and is looking forward to being family. He surprised me again by sharing facts from a dad book he purchased. And also shared (after a night out and since drinks) that he’s terrified of failing as a father. His dad was great and he misses him and is so worried he won’t live up to him (dad passed 5 years ago). I was happy thrilled to hear him say things that built my confidence in us and also be vulnerable. I shared my fears and he was relieved to hear them. I even bought myself a mommy book to start reading. I was looking forward to our convo.

Yesterday was Tuesday, 1.5 hours before dinner, he got called into work on an emergency. In his line of work, this is common. I was crushed. He said sorry, its out of his hands and if we could reschedule for the next day, before I had a planned dinner with friends. I declined because I don’t want to have a time limit and what if I get upset… then I have to go to dinner? No. I felt so emotional and wanted to scream but I just said I wanted to get off the phone. I’m not upset about his work emergency, I’m upset that I feel I should know by now the direction we are taking. I deserve to feel confident and be happy for myself and our baby. I never heard from him the rest if the evening and I haven’t said anything either. I’m too disappointed. I’m sure his silence is because he feels bad but damn, nothing?!?! Just for peace of mind, I drove by and saw his work truck gone. Figured it would make it easier to know for sure.

I’m just so confused because he’s been showing me the effort. But it’s 2.5 weeks since we found out and I have no idea if I’m in this with a partner or coparent. Next week is our first doctors appointment (he was very excited about this). I feel so scared and sad. This is the third/fourth time. I’m considering calling it a day with him and giving him the option to be involved as only a co parent.
I’m going to wait to hear from him tomm (if he does). Am I stupid to give this a chance? Is the writing on the wall? I’m so sad this is my experience 🙁