TL;DR!: 22 y/o virgin who’s never dated anyone asking how the hell you meet people and date them
I’m 22F, moderately attractive, just graduated from college, and I’ve never had a bf before. I’ve never even kissed someone, so I obviously haven’t done anything beyond that either. I grew up in a small town where I wasn’t interested in dating someone that had also dated my friends at some point (graduating class of 30 to give you an idea) and then went to a small university with a very conservative-leaning student body that I wasn’t interested in involving myself with.
For the last 4 years, I told myself I was busy with school and didn’t have time for dating. I didn’t really, though part of me knows that I was a little scared too. It’s not like no one was ever interested in me (I got asked out a couple times and declined), but I also had the reasoning that I planned to move as far from my home state as I could get post-grad and didn’t want to deal with dating someone who’d want to stay there.
The only issue is, now I’m completely clueless about dating. I don’t know how to meet guys, I don’t know how to act or what to do during a date, and I don’t really know how to get myself out there. It doesn’t help that due to my lack of experience, I’m not interested in hookups or one-night-stands and it would probably take me a while to get comfortable enough to have sex, even if I was in a long-term relationship.
I have a lot of insecurities about my body as well, so that doesn’t help, but I still kind of want to get myself out there. My friends and similarly-aged family are starting to kind of settle down and there’s probably some weddings coming up here soon. Meanwhile, I live alone in a one-bedroom apartment with my two cats.
I want to start dating so I can at least experience it before I decide whether I want to actually be a spinster cat lady like I seem to be destined for at the moment, but how do I do that?
I guess my question is, how do I get out there? How do I meet people? How can I prove to my judgmental intrusive thoughts that there isn’t something wrong with me just because I’ve somehow made it this long without having a serious relationship? Before you suggest them, I’m not interested in dating apps, especially after it was found that Match (who owns Tinder, Hinge, and OkCupid) gave money to pro-forced birth organizations. I’d prefer to meet someone on social media, or maybe start a pen pal relationship, or even meet someone in person. I just don’t know how to make those things happen.
5 comments
You may join meetups instead that match your interest, or pick up a new hobby, for example, rock climbing or hiking. And you make friends first and you find a date
The realest way to actually get out there, is to get out there. No thinking, just doing. Make moves, accept invitations.
Now, I am not advising you to do this blindly. There are logical choices you have to make when assessing situations and making sure you are safe.
It’s all luck.
Good luck.
First of all, when you come from a conservative area it might not feel this way but you’re not alone in never having dated at 22. My first kiss was around that age as well and I know that is true for many more people, most just lie about it for some reason.
That being said, you’ve been asked out before, so say yes next time someone asks. In the meantime, you meet potential dates in the same way you meet friends. Go to meet-ups, sports clubs, hobby clubs, bars etcetera. Find people and if you run into one you think is really cool, gather some courage and ask them out.
Relationships stand and fall with communication so while you might not always get the most positive reaction, make clear what you’d want out of a date or relationship with someone. You can be honest about not being ready for sex if someone prompts you for it. If they react very poorly, walk away from the red flag.
Good luck!
There are other dating apps that are better, such as Inner Circle and Happn