How much do you think is appropriate or necessary to talk about previous relationships/exes in a current, serious relationship?

11 comments

1. Just the basics. Number of sexual partners, number of serious partners, and specific names if they know the person.

2. It’s not necessary. Why people feel the need to dredge up other people’s past is beyond me. Everyone has baggage, leave the baggage at the front door and don’t look for drama.

3. If it’s relevant to a current issue or if that person gets off on hearing about it. Other than that, it’s absolutely not necessary.

4. I actually want to know all about them, in detail. First of all, their past is a big part of who they are now. Also, I want to see what we all have in common, and what’s different about us. Gives me an idea of what did and didn’t work, and if I think we’re not going to work

   In some respects, I also want to know that I’m not an experiment. In “trying something new”.

   For example, I want to know if all the past GFs we super skinny, or did their body types vary, were they all white, or was he open to dating different races, were they educated, etc..? I guess it’s because I’ve been someone’s “experiment” before and it ended in me being frustrated because he hid me from people in his life.

5. Other than the basics mentioned already, it’s not necessary. Unless there is trauma from a previous relationship. Then, it can be worth discussing if you feel ready to.

   My Husband and I both had abusive past partners. Well over a decade later, we know each other inside out. But early on, it was helpful, knowing each others triggers.

   Trusting someone enough to share such experiences takes time though.

6. I most certainly talk about my EX with my SO much more than most would find normal or appropriate. EX is how I met my SO. The three of us were roommates for many years. We had a lot of really great times together, and we both think the world of my ex and want to see him find someone that makes him as happy as we are.

7. I think it’s perfectly appropriate and think it’s strange that so many people have an extremely strict “don’t ask don’t tell” policy about it.

   My past is what makes me who I am today. All of it. It’s not wrong for a current partner to be curious about my past partners, and vice versa.

8. i think it’s important, actually. your past relationships are part of your history and have shaped you to some degree. some of my quirks stem from one of my ex boyfriends and the stories about it are fun. it doesn’t mean i miss those people, but it’s just like talking about old friends

9. I think it’s very important if you’re coming in with trauma and baggage from a previous relationship. However, you don’t have to tell everything or go into too many specifics. If you have trust issues then you can tell your partner about the person who gave you the trust issues and how. If you’re coming from an abusive situation, tell them about the abuser and abuser’s actions. You don’t have to go into detail about the actual relationship but letting your partner know about your hang ups from previous relationships will save you a headache down the line.

10. I personally couldn’t care less to talk about exes let alone know anything about their ex. As long as they aren’t involved in their current life is what matters.

11. It’s different for each person and relationship.

    We were open about our previous serious relationships – there was nothing to hide. Those relationships are in the past; there’s a reason why they didn’t work or last; everybody has moved on.