We’ve been dating for a while and I’ve got to know her pretty well. I’m at least 95% sure she has low self-esteem, some form of social anxiety and self-image issues.
Now that works for me since it makes me feel like a million bucks! HOWEVER, I don’t want that. What petty little man resort to keeping a woman and making her love him through insecurity and fears? NO! I want it to be full of PASSION based on LOVE and DREAMS and everything in between!
I want to build her up to make her see even just a fraction of what she is in my eyes! I want her to live life to the fullest and enjoy all the world has to offer without the fear! Without having to lean on anyone but herself!
To that end, I have been successful.
She’s stepping out more now. She knows how beautiful people think she is now. She knows how people really don’t remember the missteps she had as much as she thinks she does now. But I think in her newfound powers, she’s also starting to drift away. The places and events she used to come with me to, she doesn’t do that as much now. We are talking less now. My place in her world, getting ever smaller. The hugs are getting briefer. The kisses are getting rarer. The sex, even further in-between.
At the beginning of the relationship I heard her say “if you don’t love me, who will?”.
Now she found many people will.
I’ve built her up.
I’ve done what her absent father never did but sitting here thinking back, I wonder…what have I done?
5 comments
You’ve done something good, but maybe you’ll grow apart.
Sometimes people change and in ways like this that help them grow into themselves.
But sometimes they become different than the people we once knew.
Anyway,big they’re smart they’ll see that you helped them get to where they are now.
So she’ll outgrow you. She’s leveling up. It happens 🤷🏻♀️
you’ve built up your self-esteem by helping another
what could be a better use of one’s life?
Not how it works dude…
What you’ve done is overwhelm her.
It’s so fucking hard to understand but some people just feel uncomfortable being treated like a queen. They’ll move on to someone else who treats them worse because it’s what they’re familiar with. It’s what feels “real” to them. You seem fake by comparison. In their mind, no one could ACTUALLY mean what you say obviously. You must be just pretending. It will wear off eventually. And you’ll move on for someone else who is more attractive. Meanwhile, some other person who is shittier seems more like a safe, stable option.
Also insisting someone “has a 95% chance of having social anxiety” is romantic suicide. No girl wants to know her BF thinks that.
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Your job is NOT to replace her absent father. No one can. Your job is to be a hand to hold while navigating a life without one. If you try to be her dad, she’ll fuck you like her dad. Hopefully never.
And now she leaves you and your self-esteem gets screwed. But there won’t be a woman who helps you out afterwards.