So I just came back from a 3 day summer retreat where I was a counselor and I had a co-counselor with me. We were in charge of a group of 7 high school girls and gah I couldn’t help but compare myself so much to my co counselor. I have social anxiety and the last time I did any type of leadership role was years ago and it was pretty traumatizing for me since I felt so alone and struggled with imposter syndrome so much. Anyway, I could tell that the girls were a lot more comfortable with my co counselor because she was just so natural at talking and cracking jokes. I on the other hand felt like I was trying so hard to be engaging and fun but it only made me feel fake… I really tried to stop being so critical of myself but my inner critic was just so loud. I just wanted to rant here and maybe get any kind of support because I honestly feel like this community would hopefully understand my situation. I just wish that I could crack jokes and not be so uptight and anxious.
2 comments
Look, everyone’s journey is different and you have to realize that is okay. You have to accept that other people are naturally more comfortable socially, and then learn to love the process of improving yourself and overcoming social anxiety. Right now you are so fixated on outcomes and expectations when in reality you need to be present where all the in-between exists. Also it’s not going to just be a straight shot to the top, there’s going to be times where you feel like you are deprogressing where you feel socially worse but that’s all just part of the process, and you have to keep pushing. It’s also important to realize that who you are now is perfectly fine. That doesn’t mean there’s room to improve, but don’t think being some social god is a prerequisite to happiness
It’s okay if you don’t feel natural at cracking jokes. Maybe you bring something else to the table like being a good listener or making people feel welcome or bringing a calming presence. Not everyone needs to be a loud extrovert joke cracking person, we need different types of people to meet different needs. Look for your strength and focus on using that, and encourage yourself! Lean into your natural personality and learn to love it, it’s okay to have a different personality than people around you and try not to compare.