This has been a LDR from the beginning, so everything has been said on either text or call. I’ll refer to my girlfriend as A and her brother (my ex friend) as U.
Background – Back in October ’21, I got invited to U’s parents’ anniversary in a different city. I met A there. I had a slight crush on her. Apparently she did too and she asked me out. I told her my feelings but also said that we’ll go ahead with anything only if U is okay with it.
I came back home the next day. After 2-3 days, U got to know everything. His reaction was not good. It led me to believe that he will never be okay with it. I conveyed the same to A. She got upset and she blocked me. Later the same night, U called me, said he overreacted and that he is sorry about it. He also said, and I quote, “If anything happens between you and my sister, I’ll approve of it”. Nonetheless, I thought the whole thing was behind me as A had already blocked me. Well…she texted me a few hours later.
I told her everything U and I talked about. And hence we decided to start dating. We talked more and more and I started developing more feelings for her. A month passed by. Everything was going well. My friendship with U also seemed fine. And all this time, I was under the impression that U had some idea about the relationship A and I had. Turned out, he didn’t. One day he saw a text from me on A’s phone. He flipped out. He got mad at me, got mad at her. He told me we aren’t friends anymore. Since then, he has said many things about me to many people. Words like betrayal and backstabber have been used. One of the things he said to A was
>He got cheated on by his ex girlfriend. He deserved that.
“He” in the above is me and my ex had cheated on me. I was pretty upset after knowing this. And since then I have had ill feelings towards U.
That’s the background, now coming to my problem.
Nowadays when A and I talk, whenever she mentions him I try to phase myself out. I don’t want to hear about him and I want to avoid him at all costs. But, I can’t tell this to A. They are twins, her brother is a big part of her life so she’ll obviously talk about him. But my point is simple, you don’t talk about me with your brother, so don’t talk about him with me.
These are just a few thoughts I have. Maybe they are justified. Maybe they aren’t. I don’t know. But I just wish there was some way I could let her know. Help, reddit.
TL;DR Girlfriend talks about her twin brother and I am least interested in knowing about him because we are not good terms. How do I let her know that?
5 comments
I’m sorry for what her bro did, but he’s her brother and her twin. So, if you date her, you need to accept that you’re going to hear about him from time to time.
Telling her she can’t talk about him is going to put a strain on your relationship.
It’s time to break up or try to reason with your friend. How the hell will this relationship continue if you’re hating on her bro? If u got married, he’d probably be there, every family reunion during holidays, he’ll be there, if you have kids, he’ll be their uncle, etc.
I can’t think of anything that makes LESS practical sense than dating the TWIN of the person you are trying to avoid.
What you are asking for is the equivalent of climbing Everest with a spoon. Is it technically possible? Sure. Is it likely? Naw.
Sounds like this relationship is over.
Ever met twins before? They tend to be very, very, close. Her brother isn’t going anywhere.
If you’re not comfortable being around him, what’s going to happen in a few years when you’re not long distance anymore? She’s going to want to do things like weekly/bi-weekly dinners with him, regularly visiting each other’s homes, and other sibling related activities, just turned up to 11 due to how close they likely are.
Sounds like he’s only mad because his friend is dating his sister, so it’s possible that the two of you will work it out, but honestly, this all just sounds like way too much drama for a relationship that’s currently being held only over text messages.
Wait, so you two were dating, and nobody cared to clue U in? I mean, i get what he did was wrong, but id also be upset if my friend dated my sister and none of them even bothered to tell me. And im not even that close with my sister.
In any case, you will simply either have to accept that, yes, her twin brother is still going to be in her life, probably till one of them dies. And, uh, the whole “i now hate him so dont even mention him around me” is kinda juvenile. There are some people in my girlfriend’s life that im not the biggest fan of, but I have no isses with her mentioning them or us talking about them.