So things have been bad for some time now with my boyfriend and I. We have been together for 4.5 years I am absolutely crazy about him. We live in a European city so life can get pretty crazy with work and partying.
Recently he has insisted that we stop drinking so much and I agreed so that we can do actual nice things together. This week however he decided to go out and drink with friends multiple times but he would never want to do this with me.
Last night he had a boys night out with dinner and drinks and told me to have a night to myself and that he’d be home around 10 and we’d watch a movie.
Next thing I know I see that the other girlfriends are suddenly invited to the after party. My boyfriend messages me at 11pm to come and join and like a fool I do it because I love to be around him. As soon as I arrive his friends (who are also his work colleagues he doesn’t have friends outside of work) make comments to me about how this was all already planned that the girls were invited so immediately I feel super upset and uncomfortable.
I then want to go home and he says no let’s go to the club with the guys. Which he would never want to do with me in any other circumstances with any other group of friends. We go and it’s shitty surprise surprise. We end up not having fun and we leave but we had a massive conversation about how he prioritises me way down his list of people I am never first priority or concern and I felt very mugged off at being invited and everyone acting like I shouldn’t be there. He tells me he doesn’t want me to drink and he doesn’t want to drink yet he goes out partying and drinking with everyone but me. So in the end of the massive conversation he said he thinks it would be best if we have separate lives more or less. That we should live together but live separately I have my friends he has his friends and we don’t mix anything. I cried and cried because this is the last thing I want, I’m younger than him but I want a quiet calm life with someone who loves me I don’t want to act single again. And I just don’t know how much he wants to be actually single or if he just wants to be out with the boys all the time. Either way to me it seems like he doesn’t want to spend much time with me anymore so I really don’t know how to take this or perceive it.
So my question is – is it healthy to live separate social lives after being intertwined for 4.5 years or is it a sign of something else?
3 comments
You kind of sound like a wet blanket.
Did you complain and make a scene while out? It reads like you did before you went to the club. Where you then had a shitty time.
But if you’re not actually having fun, and don’t like his friends is it not actually better for you to separate friend groups? Go out with your own friends who you’ll have a blast with
Yeah it’s called breaking up. Things have been shitty for a while and now he wants a separate life from you. Believe him.