My (24f) partner (29m) lost a friend to a car accident about a month ago. They weren’t super close, but her death still had a big impact on him, especially bringing up feelings about his own mortality, the purpose of life, etc.
he’s doing a lot better the past couple of weeks, no longer drowning in the grief but he’s still working through a lot. He talks a lot, really passionately, about feeling betrayed by people who weren’t willing to sit with him in his sadness, who didn’t care more about his feelings than their own comfort. He’s described seeing people as a whole as bumbling idiots, going about their day unaware that they’re going to die, worried about meaningless shit. He’s said he cares a lot less for most of the people around him, as a result of how little action they took to support him, and has also expressed similar sentiments towards me although I did my best to support him.
I know he’s hurting and probably doesn’t hold those ideas as actual values, but it has been weird to hear him talk so angrily and dismissively about people that care about him, especially me. He’s always been pretty introverted and had a sort of “ugh people” mentality but it feels like this is pushing him really far down that line.
Again, I know he’s feeling a lot of things very intensely and this will probably pass, but I also just don’t know what to do right now. I’ve done my best to do anything he needs, talk things through, sit with him while he cries, give him time alone to process, support him practically through chores etc. when he didn’t have the capacity. And I’d gladly do it all again, I love him so much and it really hurts to see him struggling. But there’s a certain extent where I just can’t… empathize? I’ve never been through grief myself yet, and I’m honestly not in a place where I’m ready to throw myself into that existential crisis with him, although I’ll do anything I can to support him without sacrificing my own mental health. I think he sees this and feels isolated in his grief and projects feelings of anger towards me, and others in his life.
I’ve gently suggested he contact his therapist as I feel like she could help him far more than me, but he’s really resistant to the idea.
I’m not sure exactly what advice I’m asking for here, I’m just struggling living with the man I love being so bitter, struggling with not feeling like a supportive partner, and struggling to find the balance between support and codependency, I guess