I (M24) have been crushing hard for a friend (F27) for a while. We have known each other for about a year now and it has been like a month since I felt something for her. I have been making excuses to see her, touching her arms and hands, etc. All the standard flirting shenanigans.
As it turns out, she had feelings for me as well. A week ago, we were hanging out at a bar just the two of us. We had a few drinks, as we usually do, but this time, we kissed. It was amazing. Everything just clicked.
We talked some relationship stuff, and realized we were quite compatible.
About four days later, we were hanging out at another bar and we kissed again. However, she said she had to figure some things about us by herself, which I completely respected. Afterwards, she offered to come by my place (she hadn’t been before) and be “sober” in order see how it feels to get close while we were not drinking. So, we met at my place last night.
The night started quite good. We both like hugs and cuddles, so we did those for a while. We talked about us and what we expected from each other, etc. Then, we started kissing. It was way better than before. She seemed more into it. She kind of leaned on the couch and I was on top of her. We changed positions sometimes. Then, we made our way to the bedroom.
We continued fooling around in the bedroom. I don’t want to bore you with the details, but we only did foreplay (which I like more than “regular” sex). We hardly removed any clothing but I’m pretty sure she came. Or at least she came pretty close.
It all felt right and as though I have been looking for this connection all along. I thoroughly enjoyed every second of it but my penis had other ideas, I think.
I usually don’t have a problem getting an erection when I am by myself. Previous experiences didn’t involve any major issues either. In fact, one my exes had joked, after we fooled around, about how she “didn’t do anything” but I got a hard on regardless.
Like I said, last night was amazing. I didn’t want to stop ever, but I didn’t get an erection. Granted, she didn’t specifically touched it or grabbed it or anything, but at one point, she was on top of me with her bare breasts (quite big, I might add, which I loved, definitely my type) grinding and kissing and moaning. I had been in this position before with some exes and got a hard on every time. This time, though, the general was absent when a settlement needed his help.
We decided to talk about sex before actually having it. She didn’t mention my lack of wood in any way. She said she loved how intimate last night was, as well. I didn’t sense any sense of negativity.
I think we will hook up again and I want to be there with no absence.
Is there something new about this or us which caused me to fail (It has been two years since I had any sexual experience with anyone other than myself)? Is this even a failure? Or did I just got too excited and made it harder for myself to get hard?
Thanks in advance!
TLDR: Hooked up with crush, couldn’t get hard, which is not usually the case. Is there something wrong?
Edit: I just realized this is mobile. Sorry if any trouble occurs on desktop.
Edit 2: All comments have been quite helpful. Thank you everyone for your insights.
9 comments
It’s cause you were nervous and liked the girl. It happens.
I don’t see this as a major issue especially considering that it’s the first time it’s ever happened and you’ve never had any problems before.
The fact that you haven’t been sexually intimate with a female for 2 years and then add onto that where she had said to you that she had some things to work it in respect of you both and that being seeing how you both were sober instead of the previous times you were both drinking. You thinking It being the first time with each other and you thinking that you didn’t really know what things she was looking for in respect of her saying that she wanted to see how you both got, you thinking of not wanting to push any of her boundaries and remaining in control, you thinking and listening to her verbal cues, verbal moans etc whilst being intimate
In personally think it was a case of you concentrating and thinking way too hard about all the things i just mentioned that it was simply a case of you not being relaxed and comfortable and familiar as you normally would be and that’s the reason why and I envisage that you won’t have any issues the next time round
So far this was a one time thing, it happens. Maybe you were stressed and nervous because you like her. I wouldn’t freak out over it or even bring it up to her unless this mow happens every time. I’ve been with a guy when it just didn’t work, whereas other times he had no issues either. I’m pretty sure everyone had an instance when their body didn’t really cooperate.
Yes I can see it! If you think you have a problem with erections, then [in the foreplay](https://tichaz.com/2022/01/10/foreplay-done-right/) you are worrying about whether you’re going to get an erection. She was on top of you with her bare breast when your mind is on your penis; thinking ‘is it hard’, ‘when will it be hard’, ‘why isn’t it hard?’
Worrying about your penis is not sexy and nobody can get aroused under pressure. ‘ED’ becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I suggest during foreplay to take your mind if not actions completely from your penis and focus on pleasing her like [eating her pussy like a savage](https://tichaz.com/2022/01/10/savage/)
Remember penetration is usually the end of sex, not the beginning, and your partner does not get aroused just from penile penetration.
I had erection issues with someone I had been crushing on for a few years and was quite nervous. She had a good time and wanted to see me again.
The next time I saw her I had no trouble, and the third time we had sex three times in one night.
End of the day, sometimes you just get nervous and thinking about it makes it worse. Performance anxiety is real. You’ll be fine.
You were nervous and perhaps a bit anxious to be in such an amazing position. It can happen.
Give it time. Spend more time working up to sex. As you and she get more comfortable and your confidence in your relationship grows, it will improve.
For me, the taste and smell of pussy is an aphrodisiac. If you go down, or finger her, savor it. That should do the trick.
The vast majority of sexual partners I’ve had I tend to have some issues getting hard the first time. I’ve chalked it up to nerves because after I get comfortable it’s like you said, I get hard just looking at her. I wouldn’t worry too much. If you guys are going to continue to hook up, I bet you’ll be just fine friend!
The more it matters, the more you want the girl to love you, the more stress you are under. And stress just kills erections.
As I write this, the woman I am dying for is lying “platonically” in bed next to me. If it turns non-platonic — as I devoutly hope — I am more than a little concerned about the same thing.
Just try to be calm. Get her off and that may make you not be so nervous. Be patient. It will work out I think…