Something I want to share that has immensely helped me socially

Long time socially anxious and socially awkward person here. I’ve struggled far too long socially, even though I’ve been able to have friends, I’ve not been able to really connect with anyone. I was always someone who tagged along because I was in the same class, same workplace, etc, rather than truly connecting with anyone. I felt really helpless when it came to actually connecting with people.

The moment of realization came to me one day. As I was sitting with a group of friends, I asked myself, **what is the similarity between me and my friends?** I noticed that we were having dinner, and I answered that question that they are having dinner and so am I. Immediately, I felt a deep sense of connection with the people. It faded quickly but then I asked this question again to myself, this time I was looking for a similarity between us other than the last one. I noticed the color of shirts we were wearing looked similar, and I said to myself that. Again the same ease and sense of connection came which made me want to express myself and share more and talk more.

We’re too often looking for differences between ourselves, that we keep overlooking that we have so much in common with other human beings. You can take this a step further and even find commonality between yourself and your pets, animals, or even inanimate objects like the sky, or a lake.

So did it actually help me create better relationships? Yes, absolutely. People look forward to call me and start conversation with me and ask me questions. I’m less fazed going into the social situations because I know I’ll find something similar between myself and the other person. My interactions with other people have become more meaningful. Even during difficult conversations, when I don’t agree with what someone said, for example, some political views, or some actions that I don’t agree with, if I say what is the similarity between me and the person, I’m able to empathize with them immediately.