I’m (25F) finding that dating apps just don’t work for me, and the reason is that the most important factor in me being attracted to someone is my soul being drawn to theirs in some way (I’m not religious btw). I care about looks because I want to be physically attracted to a person, but I struggle because dating apps reduce people to a series of data points, and people on them sometimes seem to reduce themselves to that as well. I don’t have a “type” per se; my attraction to someone is often inexplicable and has a lot to do with their essence underneath their external qualities. I’ve never experienced “love at first sight” but I have experienced a mutual pull with another that was disproportionate to how well we knew each other in the 3D, earthly world. I don’t know for sure, but I believe that souls are drawn to certain other souls for reasons inexplicable on the physical plane.
I want to get married, but not because I want to just “be married” and have that outward status to society, the community, or family. For me, it’s not a means to any end, just a way to show commitment in the relationship and facilitate a more intimate and deeper connection with each other.
I feel like dating apps just don’t “get it.” I’m not really looking for someone with a certain job, certain income, certain height, or even someone who has a whole lot in common with me necessarily. I don’t just want to date a male version of me; I want someone who complements me and shows me new horizons. I find dating apps too mechanical; it always feels like they’re missing something. They emphasize the wrong thing, in my opinion coming from where I’m coming from. They emphasize the outward and external rather than the inward essentials. They’re too concerned with what things are like on paper.
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Most dating apps won’t even let you filter for the characteristics you want these days, it’s not just you. OkCupid tried to change this but they got bought out and the site has gone downhill since then. All you can do is focus on meeting people in person through meetup groups and hope you find the one.
I’d start going to bars and meeting people in person. Dating apps are extremely unlikely to find the person you want due to the points you was making. Vet for the people you’d like to make sure they’re the ones you can make connections with. It’s a great way to get the truest experience.
Hmm there’s a dating app that doesn’t use pics.
I tried dating apps with no success and that was my fault. In the economy of such apps, your value primarily your looks AND the pictures you choose to show. Being genuine or “real” is actually a liability. Of course I’m not butt ugly but definitely not Apollo. The type of people you would click with in real life would probably never match with you on dating apps given the way they are structured; you click with people based off their verbal/non verbal cues, personality, and general vibe which are not visible on apps.
If you’re looking for a soul mate connection on dating apps, just be good looking enough to attract most people, swipe right on those with visible personalities and start sifting; this is my deduction from my lack of success and understanding of the app structure.
Holy jesus you just nailed everything wrong with online dating.
Its a fundamental flaw. You simply cannot make an actual connection with somebody through a screen. We instinctively create an image and expectation of that person in our mind based off of our arbitrary biases. There is no love in that. Better to find your hobby or your passion, follow it for yourself alone and trust that you will find a soulmate along the way. They’ll probably end up being an acquaintance for awhile, possibly even years.
You could have just stopped at “are of no help” and I would have agreed with you.
Completely agree with you. I don’t have a “type” of person too. I often struggle to picture what my perfect girl would look like, but it is actually a lot easier to picture what would she do and her personality rather than her look. Dating apps lacks the “gut feeling” you get when you know someone in real life. I don’t think that is easily solvable, you just have to accept that you could have wasted days/weeks chatting before meeting in person and not liking the other person irl.
I don’t use dating apps
I basically agree with everything you said, I know for me, only communicating through texts and messages doesn’t make me seem too exciting. I don’t really do that with people I do know… so I’m pretty sure I come off awkward. Then again I haven’t met anyone in a year organically either… so. Meh I’ll just keep being me
I had the opposite experience I met my soul mate 2 weeks on the app and we made it official a month later and we are still together now 1 year anniversary at the end of the month
I find that dating apps are no help for anything at all, other than getting rid of money.
Soul mate connections are incredibly rare, but they do happen on apps. I’ve (31M) had a few. They take a lot of time, but when they happen things just seem to “click” in a way that things don’t with other people. There’s nothing about apps, specifically, that prevents this from happening. Apps are merely a tool to connect people that may not have otherwise connected. In order to find a soul mate with a similar approach and outlook to what you want, you have to make sure your profile is written to broadcast this, and then be very patient and diligent with searching.
A *lot* of people on apps—actually a *lot* of people in the world—aren’t going to view dating the same way you are. That’s why it’s hard. It’s not apps, it’s that people are incredibly diverse in what their ideas of dating and love are.
But, also consider this: if *you’re* on apps, searching for a soul mate, then surely a soul mate of a similar outlook would be doing the same, right? So as long as you are diligent and putting your best foot forward, then *if* you happen to cross paths with a true match, it’s going to naturally work itself out. It’s just that these people are incredibly rare, so of course it’s going to feel like you’re seeing an ocean of “wrong” matches first.
I’m in the same boat.
So what’s wrong with just going on dates with people from dating apps and seeing if they have what you’re looking for on the date? Apps are designed to introduce you to a lot of people very quickly, and filter out obvious dealbreakers. They aren’t going to hand you a perfect match on a silver platter if you could only just put in the right filters.
Dating apps don’t work for people who don’t get any matches. They do just fine if you get matches and dates, it’s up to you to do the rest of the dating process yourself.
Dating apps are for hooking up.
Real dating involves meeting people and getting to know them. There is risk involved, but the ultimate outcome is far better in the long run.