I’ve been seeing this guy for about a month and felt unsure about my attraction for him, and this was made more complicated because I’ve been working through some sexual trauma I have. I was very honest about this after our 3rd date and I told him I thought we should just be friends. So we have been, but it’s very clear he wants more. I’ve definitely sent mixed messages cause sometimes I thought I liked him but other times I wasn’t sure.
We went out for dinner tonight and then went back to my house to watch a movie. We cuddled a little during this but nothing else. It became clear to me that I’m just not into him enough, even though I like him as a person. I want to be honest but that’s so brutal to say to someone. Anyway I feel bad and hate hurting people.
I swear I’d rather be rejected.
What do I say to him? And is it ok to send him a text? Or should I say it in person?
3 comments
To be painfully honest. Just straight up honesty. Tell the full picture. You don’t love him, but let him know everything you love/loved about him. Tell him all the reasons he’s amazing. **DON’T BULLSHIT OR MAKE UP ANYTHING. DON’T BE CLICHE OR TRY TO PUSH OPTIMISM.** But I’m going to be completely honest, you may have to give up on that whole “friends” thing.
Just be honest and straightforward. You think he’s cool but aren’t feeling the romantic connection you want. If he’s cool it wont be a big deal, if he reacts angrily then congrats you filtered out someone who isn’t worth being around anyway. Being vague or indirect is incredibly more “hurtful” than just being straight with someone. Also maybe chill on the hangs for a bit, and when you do hang out make sure you draw boundaries so you aren’t cuddling and stuff like that lest you send mixed signals again.
Aa…. I have no advice for you. Im the guy whos been friendzoned and still crushing. I honestly gotta say- its brutal. Being supportive when the girl i like goes on dates with other guys is hard as heck…. and when she comes back from a date and tells me about it, i just nod and play it cool. I give her advice and joke with her, but it hurts like hell. I keep thinking maybe ill move on, and she’ll just be a normal friend to me… But being friends with her has only given me more of an appreciation for her small quirks. Its shown me another side of her, with zero dating formalities…. Its just her being comfy in 2-day old clothes, no shower no makeup, and ugly crying on my shoulder. Shes a goddamn mess … But heck i love her more because i know who she is at home. More than any of other dates that doll themselves up and smile all evening like theyre trying to make that good first impression for an interview …
So… I guess what im trying to say is kill it before it drags on. This is the worst place to be stuck in. You’ve known eachother for about a month.. so dont invest anymore. Just be honest. If you want to stay friends… I guess, the best thing to do is let him suggest that. Otherwise you might end up with someone clingy, like me. I jumped on the ‘ lets stay friends’ because i didn’t want to loose her. I thought i could still stay in her life and her feelings would change over time – but they never did.
Please dont text. Ow my heart already hurts. Thats just brutal. …if it helps you to plan what you want to say, go ahead and write it down but you need to see his face when you tell him . You gotta know how bad hes crushing, if hes broken ,or okay. Maybe you both feel the same and staying friends is a good option, but youll never know for sure through text. Best of luck.