I didn’t see my boyfriend (if you can still call him that) in 5 weeks, because the last time I saw him he was trying to seduce me into sex, while refusing to use a condom, and saying he doesn’t want me to get on birth control because “birth control makes women fat”. I refused sex that time because I track my cycle (with basal body temperature) and knew it was the time of the month I could get pregnant. But he kept saying he guarenteed I couldn’t get pregnant because he’d pull out. I refused to have unprotected sex with him, and he refused protected sex. So we didn’t have sex that night, and I quit seeing him.
Then suddenly tonight he showed up at my house uninvited. He said he just wanted to talk. Well, one thing led to another, and we both ended up wanting sex. But we had no condoms, because I wasn’t expecting to see him. I reasoned in my head that since it was only 5 days into my cycle, the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility says I can’t get pregnant. And he insisted it would just be “for one second” and also “I’ll pull out the second you say so”. Well, for whatever reason, I got caught up in the moment and agreed.
So there we were, having unprotected sex, and after maybe 30 seconds I came and then I told him, “That’s enough. You should stop.” But he kept going and got faster. I assumed he didn’t hear me. In a bit, he said, “Let me know when you want me to stop.” I told him, “You should stop.” He said, “Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t hear you the first time.” But I was immediately thinking, how did he know I said it a first time?
Then he pulled out and told me that he was “only a second from cumming”. And suddenly I felt like he just ignored my “stop” and just kept going for as long as he wanted to. I confronted him about it, and he insisted that I told him I said it a first time. But I don’t recall that (and everyone tells me that he gaslights me in the first place).
Now I’m just trying to wrap my head around all of this and don’t know what to think. I don’t even know how to react to any of this. What do I do with a situation like this?
13 comments
Leave him
Re-read your message assuming it was one of your friends asking for advice. It should be crystal clear …
You can get pregnant at any time of the month, although rare it’s even possible to conceive while you are having your period. Pulling out is also not a good form of contraception as you can get pregnant from precum, this is how my first child was conceived. Now to the most important part, from what you have written he comes across as very abusive and controlling and his behaviour is unacceptable and in my opinion, assault. You should certainly not see this person again, because if he is willing to do this to you, you do not know what else he may do in the future.
You don’t have a boyfriend. You have an abuser.
DTMFA… before you are baby trapped. Honey I spent 20 years in fear, as did my children because of a guy who put his sexual pleasure before health and safety.
Again DTMFA
I think he’s immature and this is not a good relationship. Refusing to use birth control is a red flag. Pulling out is not reliable. He’s not showing you any respect. Move on from this guy and find someone who will care about you.
Don’t do it again?
If you’re lucky, you won’t be calling him your baby’s daddy. Get out now!
In our current economy, and by economy I mean lack of human rights, men need to realize they can’t get away with this shit anymore. Hold him accountable. And also, stop giving him the privilege of your body. he clearly doesn’t deserve it.
His 10 second orgasm isn’t worth more than your safety, health and comfort. I would say he is abusive and you did experience sexual assault. I am sorry and you will try excuse him because it hurts the most when you fully accept you’ve been taken advantage of. But that acceptance is the first step to freedom. Good luck.
Hi! I chart too so I can advise on this item pretty well. Assuming you’ve been charting long enough (~12 months) to know you’ve never had a cycle less than 25 days long and your prior chart had a clear temp shift and peak+3 which confirmed ovulation, then yes, the first 5 days of the new cycle are safe by TCOYF rules assuming you don’t have any moist vaginal sensations or observe any cervical mucus which would open the fertile window immediately. Some other methods like Sensiplan use an additional double check calculation rule called the Doering rule wherein you take the earliest day of your temp shift from the prior 12 cycles and subtract 7 to determine the first fertile day (again this can be overridden by observation of cervical mucus or moist vaginal sensation). So assuming this was in the first 5 days of your cycle, the chances of conception would be slim to none depending on what your cycle history looks like and what this particular cycle looked like at that time. So I personally wouldn’t worry about pregnancy too much from this encounter.
However I would 110% say ditch the guy. He obviously doesn’t respect you or your wishes. If you’re going to chart for birth control, you completely and totally need a respectful partner who listens to you. Men are the main contributor to the overall length of the fertile window since their sperm live 5 to 7 days whereas our eggs live only about 24 hours. I say cut ties with this guy and don’t look back!!!
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. Blow that popsicle stand now and don’t look back.
Take Plan B, dump this guy, and do some growing up.
Leave him. I’m all for sex without condoms and not pulling out BUT my partner has to be ok with it. If a partner doesn’t respect your boundaries, they have got to go.