I have this thing where when I talk to men or they talk to me I give them the same energy they give me. So The nature of our relationship becomes one of teasing . So it always banter/teasing sometimes the men get too comfortable and start to venture into the insulting territory and I tell them to stop and let them know that it was mean and hurtful. Because I’m nice , don’t gossip and don’t have any influence at my new Job they are so comfortable saying whatever they want . I don’t want to have that relationship with men . I want to be respected and treated like a lady . One of the men who do this , when it’s just me and him alone he acts nice and confides in me and tells me things he wouldn’t tell the others. But as soon as he sees another coworker on our small team who actually only teases me he switches up and joins him. So it’s literally two grown me against me. They think it’s hilarious. They go oh grown some thick skin . We do this to everyone .
I try to give the men the same energy they give me . So if they say something insulting sometimes I turn around and reply back but I can never bring myself to be super mean. When I tell then to stop , they go oh but you were mean and ask how ? They literally use any comment I said and try to say I was mean to then .I tried to get them to be nicer by bringing them chocolates and drinks . But I think secretly they’re laughing at how they are playing mind games with me .
I’m a girly girl , quiet , always happy and smiling and I feel as though men are always trying to bring me down a notch. One guy I had a crush on – use to pursue me and he would gently say funny teasing comments to get my attention. Once I developed a crush suddenly out of nowhere . I started to flirt back and then he started to ignore me and subtly reject me and then his teasing got mean and rude and to the point where apparently I don’t matter enough to get a goodbye when he comes down to say bye to the coworkers next to me .
I want respect .Its probably to late to restart the whole interaction but this bothers me a lot .
2 comments
This is rough. I have a brother who does this to me. Twists my words, picks on my insecurities and always belittles me. One day I decided I didn’t give a fuck anymore. He can say what he likes, I just turn my back and start another conversation. I used to make myself small when he entered the room (which made me an easy target in hindsight) and I don’t do that anymore. It’s hard, but they are not going to change if you don’t
I think the issue is that you’re trying to confirm to them. When you start matching their energy, they’re going to try you like “one of the boys.” You’re feeling insulted by that but you’re also making it seem like you’re trying to do the same back.
Respect starts with yourself. Try to figure out what type of person you are and just stand by that. Don’t try to return the energy, just respond with how you feel. Then maybe they might see you have boundaries there and not cross them.