How do you respond to a female friend who constantly talks negatively about herself (body, looks, abilities)?

7 comments

1. Depends if they genuinely think this, actually are what they say they are, or constantly fishing for reassurance/compliments. If it’s the first, I would reassure them they’re not. If it’s the second, I would offer suggestions hot to fix and try to make them feel better. If it’s the third, the first time I’ll reassure and compliment them – but if it’s constant I start agreeing or ignoring them.

2. If they are doing it for attention I shall agree with them. If they genuinely feel bad about themselves tell them they are wrong and to shut up about it

3. You can always just talk to her and put it in I format. Going to go where you are I hear you and I can understand struggling to love and accept yourself. Put back that her constant negative self-talk is impacting your mental health and your own personal negative self talk and you no longer have the capacity to have this conversation. Just simply set a boundary that you don’t want to talk about self image anymore unless it’s in a positive light. Such as being proud of incorporating movement you enjoy, healthier whole foods/meals, doing things for self that bring them joy, yoga, massage, hair/nails etc…

   Another area is to try and coach her and challenge her by asking her questions that would clarify whether she’s just looking for external validation or whether it’s an actual issue. She might need to seek mental health services. Just be conscious and cautious of putting anything back on her and just keep it as the I statements. You don’t want her to fall onto the drama triangle of victimhood. You want to stay on the Creator challenger and coach triangle.

4. I had a friend like this last year. Couldn’t stand the constant self deprecation so I dropped her. I don’t think something like that should need to be pointed out by people, if’s common sense to not be constantly hating on yourself because everyone knows it’s for attention. Never met someone who did it because they genuinely hated the way they looked, though they do probably exist

5. Say, please don’t talk about my friend that way.

6. I ignore it. I completely gloss over it and give it zero. attention.

7. I’m like, nah dude why would u think that? And then genuinely compliment a very specific thing about them and tell them why I like it. I like specifically picking things I distinctly enjoy. Idk why.