So my husband & I have been together for almost 8 years, married a little over 4 years. We have a toddler together. On to where the rest comes in. I am not the perfect figured woman. My husband has always followed & watched women I’m uncomfortable with on social media. He always just claimed I don’t know them, they are just people. That wasn’t that that big of a deal for me, even though it upset me bc I have always respected him not to do so. Well go back to Feb. A few days after our 4 year wedding anniversary, my husband goes thousands of miles away for work for 2 months. While he was there I found out that he was all over dating sites, talking to females and everything else while we were having issues of me feeling abandoned and forgotten about since he had left. Not going to lie, he made me feel like stepping out, but I didn’t. It caused a lot of tension for months. Things started getting back on the right track, bc my goal is to have a family. We both had messed up childhoods from broken homes & I wouldn’t want that for our child. So I am trying. This leads to where we are now. He is still gone for work, communication has gone down. I have access to everything he downloads on his phone but I’m sure there are ways for him to get around stuff. He is a grow man. I have serious trust issues after all of this. & my concern is he is flourishing being away from us. He has never been better & I’m at home struggling but trying to keep it together for my child. Part of me wants to call it quits so I can stop trying to make us work and make me happy the way he is making himself happy. But I also want my family. Idk what to do. Honest advice please.
5 comments
What does your individual therapist say
What does your marriage counselor say
I know a woman like you, but this was about 3 years ago. She was unhappy, she eventually found the courage to ask her SO for a break in their relationship, and she used the break to see if she actually missed him / wanted to be with him. During the break, she found out she was happier without him. He was gutted, but she separated from him and ended up getting with a depressed polish immigrant, then separated from him and got pregnant from an Irish guy, she ended up not liking him either and left him before the next LO was born, now she has two kids from two dads and is single, but happy! She likes being single and self sufficient. Maybe you could use a small break to see if you are happier without him?
As a woman over 50, I am going to say that your husband wants out.
Please, if you can, see a counselor. If you can’t, I have three online resources for you. One is for healing complex ptsd from childhood. One is for learning relationship skills and one is for setting healthy boundaries.
https://crappychildhoodfairy.com/2019/04/25/did-childhood-ptsd-teach-you-to-fit-yourself-to-crap. (This link mentions paid resources but its pretty much all on youtube for free)
https://youtu.be/csPmD6Vf0QQ
https://beyondbitchy.com/podcast/page/12/
I’ve put up with a lot in my marriage but I would never put up with my husband being on dating sites or talking with women online. Looking is hurtful enough, but talking? No. IMO, that will lead to cheating if he already isn’t doing so. Trust is the number one thing that is needed in any relationship. Love is free and trust is earned. Would you rather leave now, having a chance to start over with a man who values you and only you and grow a family with him? Or would you rather risk it with someone with his dishonest behaviors and it possibly get much worse? If his attention is on other women, then it’s not on you and your child. You know this because you feel neglected. I say seek couples counseling to help rebuild trust. If he is unwilling, then step out for awhile and give him time to get his priorities straight. You’ll know if you are his priority or not eventually. Just begging you to come back though without offering to put work into isn’t going to cut it though. Words are cheap. He needs to show you much more than just words. Best of luck to you!