My girlfriend (“F”-26F) and I (26M) have been dating for a little over a year and it’s been AMAZING 99% of the time. But last night was a NIGHTMARE. (burner for obvious reasons)
F got blackout drunk and told me how she is in love with two other men. For 30 minutes I got all the details about how they are amazing men, that she misses them, misses the sex (along with details like doing on the balcony, the way they sucked her nipples) how much she loves them as people and lovers.
F also said she still talks to both. I was told that she wishes she married one of them, and that he would always be in her mind. That our relationship would always have him hanging over it.
I’m heartbroken. This is/was the woman I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with and my first serious relationship. This morning I told her what happened and she apologized profusely while telling me it wasn’t all true . These two guys are real but she doesn’t/didn’t love them and she hasn’t talked to them since we started dating.
I’ve never been in a serious relationship and I’m not sure what to do. But I have absolutely zero trust in her, which makes me think I should end things. Everything has been so great up to this point, should I try to forgive her and move on? Or is this the end? I’m going to ask my therapist for more advice but I’m exhausted, lost and need an objective opinion. thanks reddit
31 comments
Personally I’d walk away as now you’ll probably always be second guessing her with this and that’s no way to live.
That’s a weird claim to make whilst drunk for it to not be real, and the detail she went into is unecessary and just mean.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this but consider yourself lucky it all came out. There’s no reason for this to have come out if it wasn’t something that was on her mind. Especially out of nowhere.
But you’re honestly making it easy for us. Once you say you have no trust in her, your relationship is over. Good luck.
2 other men??? Bye. If you don’t want to leave her have her prove she hasn’t communicated with them since you’ve been dating, but even then that is going to be hard to get over. GL.
So you’re telling us that you aren’t her first or second choice, but at best you’re her 3rd choice.
You have no trust in her, and it’s going to be difficult to rebuild that trust.
If I were in your shoes, I’d consider the past year as a learning lesson and break up. You deserve to be someone’s first choice.
She literally told you that she settled for you. I’d be out.
>This morning I told her what happened and she apologized profusely while telling me it wasn’t all true . These two guys are real but she doesn’t/didn’t love them and she hasn’t talked to them since we started dating.
Yeah the bullshit wasn’t what she said when she was drunk, it was this. Drunk people don’t invent stories out of whole cloth.
A half hour conversation isn’t “blackout drunk.” It does sound like a severe case of “in vino veritas,” however. That wasn’t just a random drunk-ass outburst for comic effect (drunks always think they are fucking hilarious.). It was sustained and detailed and with corroborating evidence.
In your shoes I would never be able to un-hear that. Sorry you are going through this, but at the same time, bullet dodged, man.
She has some unresolved issues she probably needs to work on. Might be better to spend some time focused on yourself. If she wants to be in the picture she will be, otherwise she’ll move on.
Yupp. Leave. That’s it.
She either has or will cheat on you – and she does not give a fuck about you, let alone respect you.
She ain’t the one bro, sorry…
wnat to marry? its been a year chill. just get rid of her before you get screwed into getting trapped with a cheating wife.
Maybe those guys dumped her and she is not over them fully just yet.
Idk this is a tough one… I’ve said REALLY stupid shit while being blacked out… But ouch that’s harsh. If this happened to me I personally would not be able to stop thinking about it to the point where it would drive me crazy.
She very clearly and descriptively told you that you were her third choice. What is there to work out? Shit it sounds like she gave you a play by play on why these guys were even better at pleasing her sexually. You could be the most confident man in the world and you’d still feel insecure/inadequate if you stayed in this relationship.
Marry her. Then in 5 years or less you can divorce her for having an affair with one of them. I’m sorry I don’t mean to be harsh but when somebody tells you who they are believe them. Never settle for being somebody’s 2nd choice. You will never be their 1st choice. And if you sit down and think very carefully about it you might realize that the things that you’re in love with about her may not be real things. What does she do that is amazing? You said this is your 1st serious relationship so you may be taking a basic relationship in thinking it’s amazing.
drunk words are sober thoughts.
Honestly I would be very concerned if you stay together and she happens to ever meet up with either of these guys where alcohol is present. If she is willing to go into detail about all this TO you just imagine if she’s alone with these two great lovers that she wanted to marry and just are super duper awesome good guys and will always have a place in her heart
You have all the information you need. Cut and run man. She has shown you her true self and she feels she is settling for you and still has feelings for the other guys.
Lots of drama if you stay.
Is it better or worse she named two people instead of one?
Stick a fork in your relationship. It’s done.
How out of it does a woman have to be to regale her boyfriend with stories of another guy sucking her nipples?
How gullible would you be to believe, a: It’s not true. And, b: She’s ***forever*** material.*
*See line, “blackout drunk”.
Dump her. You’ll never be her first choice. You don’t want to spend your life being her third choice.
Dump her, because if she gets drunk and either of them are around, she will have sex with them.
People show their true colors when they’re drunk. A drunk persons words are a sober persons thoughts
Don’t be anyone’s second choice.
updateme!
In vino veritas. Now you know the truth.
You decision to make.
Good luck.
Oof. Bro you know what needs to be done.
Gtfo
Updateme!
Why do people think their the first choice? it’s a more of a fairy tale and so what.. live the fantasy.
Leave. She told you the truth. It’s going to be hard but it’s time to LEAVE. You’re worth more than that.
Walk. Away. There is no ambiguity here. *Remove your relationship goggles and see that the garden of roses is actually a wasteland*. **She does not deserve you** and **you deserve far better** than her. Leave and don’t so much as glance back even once.
Maintaining your **dignity** is the cardinal rule. I can promise you with almost 100% certainty that if the script was flipped and the roles reversed, she would dissolve your relationship faster than you can dissolve sugar in water. Again, she is **not** marriage material.