Trying to convey this without identifiable details:
My boyfriend is in his 50s going through a long, brutal, divorce with a long time ex-partner.
I met him a few months ago, when he was well into his divorce (i.e. the real estate had been split up, they were bitterly fighting over assets via lawyers).
I am a divorced woman in my 20s. He seemed starstruck when he first saw me and struck up a conversation the next time we crossed paths. I was deeply impressed by his professional achievements and flattered by the enthusiasm and attention. It seemed worth pursing, just to see where things would go.
It’s been about 5 months now.
I haven’t found this adoration for anyone since my first boyfriend in high school. I get alot of attention from men, but have felt pretty unattached to the men I have dated previously.
When we spend time together, I feel “I love you” on the tip of my tongue, wanting to come out.
His emotional availability fluctuates depending on the amount of nastiness coming from his ex.
Recently, his divorce has been more demanding and he has had a number of work related travel commitments.
I am feeling sad, because I feel out of touch and that I don’t fit into his life around his other priorities.
I haven’t really seen him outside of an occasional late night of intimacy before bed in over a month. I want to tell him about things that have happened in my to day to day work life and also just see him.
Maybe this is my karma.
I don’t want to lose the feeling I found and go back to sitting through superficial pleasantries with great guys I’m just not that into. I have also found that secretly wanting more from my boyfriend makes me sad. A month in, he said he doesn’t want anything too serious.
3 comments
It’s not “karma,” it’s a choice you’re making.
If you’re getting all your emotional carbohydrate needs met but none of your protein needs met, it’s not fate but a choice.
Choose to ask for a change or choose to leave. But character is fate; show your character and change your future.
You know what you are to him? A transition relationship.
He’s not giving you more because he hasn’t got it to give, plus you don’t demand it. You might not even be someone he would consider for a relationship.
Out of kindness to yourself, you should stop seeing him.
I think more or less that this is like a rebound relationship. This guy was married to someone and was with them for a long time. He isn’t even fully divorced from her yet. He probably still has major feelings about that relationship ending, which is why he’s saying he doesn’t want anything serious right now. It’s probably why her treating him any certain way still bothers him. Additionally, people just getting out of a marriage aren’t in any hurry to get into serious things, if you know what I mean?
I think you both want different things from this relationship honestly. He’s in no position to give you the kind of connection you’re desiring.
It’s better for you if you stop this. It will only hurt you more as more time goes by. I’m sorry.