Backstory: We were in a relationship for 2.5 years, long distance but saw each other all the time because he’s an airline pilot and I was on his flight benefits. He saw me go through getting in grad school and getting through the program and into my first job. I saw him interview with delta. We went on vacation to europe 3 times. He had an amazing family who I miss every. single. day. I still keep in touch with his mom who I consider my family, and who literally sent me a box of gifts a few weeks ago for no reason. He loved–and was good with–my dog. He tolerated my love of country music, indulged my hobbies, and it was the healthiest, most normal relationship of my life.
We broke up because I wanted to get married one day, and he told me quote “I never want to marry anyone ever, and I never want to have kids with anyone.” and “i’m not sure if i could sleep with just one person for the rest of my life.” We fought about it and tried to figure it out for a year, and never could reach an understanding. Ultimately, I was graduating and starting my career, and he wanted ME to move to his city and sign a lease/buy a house/move in with him so he could quote “Test out” if commitment was for him. I didn’t want to gamble in in a strange city where I knew no one but him, treating my life as a low cost/investment experiment for him in case he needed to bail. I broke up with him one night on the phone after a week of radio silence on his end bc he was angry he wasn’t invited to family thanksgiving right before a cross country move.
And since that night, we haven’t spoken. Not once. Not one text message. Nothing. He unfollowed me on all social media except facebook. Fast forward 2 years. I make 6 figures, I own a house (about 200 miles from the city he lives in). I’ve dated and slept with other people. For whatever reason, recently, I miss him. I miss the life and partnership we could have had. I miss his family. I miss his lack of judgement. Things weren’t perfect but there was so.much.good. So much good i’ve never seen anywhere else in my 31 years. And every time I’m in the detroit airport, all I can do is choke up. I want to reach out. Has anyone ever had something rekindle after years apart and complete radio silence?
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TL;DR: We broke up 2 years ago, have never spoken once since, I miss him, and I wonder if we could fix this. Has anyone done it? Any advice?
4 comments
Maybe see if his plans have changed, but don’t reach out to him with that premise. It they haven’t you shouldn’t settle. You’ll eventually he unhappy.
I did. We got back together. A decade later, we got divorced. It was good while it lasted though. Interestingly enough, he was an airline pilot.
Do you want kids with him?
I’ll be honest with you, OP, two years doesn’t seem like nearly enough time to get over someone you loved so deeply nor for them to change so thoroughly. Do you think he’ll have changed enough to want monogamy now? Is that something you still want?
I occasionally hook up with an ex and we’re on friendly terms (together three years, broken up for about four now) and while a lot of our issues got better, the fundamental differences that made us ultimately incompatible are still there.
He gave you the silent treatment when he was angry when something didn’t go his way, he wasn’t sure he’d ever want to commit, but selfish/settled enough to expect you to take all the risk… Those are big things. Unless he’s been in therapy, they won’t magically have gone away, especially after a pandemic where he may not have had the chance to date as much and see what he was missing out on or not.
He could have also reached out and did not, so if you want to message him and at least test the waters, go for it, but I’d try to keep all these things in mind and also be prepared for maybe not getting an answer.