Basically what the title says. I’m honestly so sick of it. I have no problem asking people to hang out but they are always busy when I do. Sitting at home all the time just feels so lonely and really boring. People often text me and I always talk to people at the university and they seem to like to talk to me but I hang out with them really really really… really fucking rarely. Then I see them hanging out with each other and it makes me feel terrible. I remember everyone telling me that once you go to college you just go to a lot of parties and meet people. Well, not in my case, I’ve been at the university for 2 years, and I’m yet to go to any party. I AM introvert but not THAT introvert. I really think that people don’t actually care about me. Let me give you a few examples of me getting cancelled on.
Exhibit A: 6 months ago I invited a friend to hang out. She accepted. Two days before we were supposed to meet, she texts me and asks if we can reschedule it becuase her friend had a birthday on that day. It was already weird to me, were you just now invited to that birthday party? But alright, we rescheduled. I asked her precisely, if new day that I proposed was definitely alright (I didn’t want to get cancelled on again). She said yeah, sure. Then on that day I text her to set exact hour at which we’re going to meet… And she says she’s not in the city 🤡
Exhibit B: A friend keeps telling me that we need to catch up and honestly she speaks about it more often than I do. Then I ask her if she has time and she usually doesn’t. Texts me often but we don’t really see each other.
Exhibit C: The one from today that made we write this thread. My friends from highschool who I would consider my best friends. We text each other everyday, but again, we see each other very rarely and it’s usually me who has to initiate plans. Usually they’ll come up with some excuse such as that they have to study, but I’m willing to give them a benefit of doubt on that one (altough when some invites me somewhere I can always make time for them, and somehow always manage to make ends meet but ok). However, two days ago one of them proposed that we finally meet, and all three of us agreed. After that my boss texted me asking if I wanted to go to work today (just a part-time job) but I was supposed to go out with friends today so I refused and he texted someone else instead. Today one of my friends said that maybe we should reschedule becuase there was supposed to be a storm. Yes, weather forecast said so but I suggested that we wait before cancelling becuase you never know. Well, the storm DIDN’T eventually come, but he said that we should cancell anyway becuase he’s going away this weekend and needs to wake up early… Like come on, you proposed to go out, since when do you know that you have to wake up early?? Basically I had to choose between earning some money and seeing my friends. I chose to see my friends. I ended up not seeing them and I didn’t make money. I’m so pissed but didn’t address that with them becuase I don’t want to seem immature or needy. 🙃🙃
1 comment
What you’re describing is a situation where people aren’t that motivated to see you/hang out with you. Usually this is because the people don’t feel all that close to you (the highschool people), or they feel they don’t know you or don’t have that much of an interest.
So these things you’re getting: cancellations, lack of initiating anything, tired, last-minute flakes, putting low priority on getting together: those are all SYMPTOMS of what I said above. In other words, no one is motivated to get together. They reluctantly agree, and then they flake. Re: the girl who says ‘we should get together’ — that sounds like she feels guilty for not being more available, and INTENDS to do better, but then just doesn’t follow through.
So the key here is, how connected are you to these people, and can you improve that connection? Additionally, how solid are your interactions — do you have a lot of fun when you’re with them, feel like you’ve created a great vibe, really connect with people? Or is it more just “meh?” I’m guessing it has to be more tilted toward “meh,” otherwise people would be happy to get together with you, and inviting you to do more things.
On college parties, it feels like freshman year everyone just “dropped in,” didn’t need an invitation per se. Show up and add to the fun! In years after that it felt more like you had to hear about a party and at least get a verbal invite. But it was still no big deal to tag along with someone else who was going to a party and “bring the fun.”
The rules aren’t all that strict as long as you’re contributing to a great vibe.
Those are my thoughts for starters.