Timeline:
A week ago I (30M) went to local pub to get a drink and was one of a couple people in the entire place. Got chatting with the bartender (25F) and hit it off so I gave her my number. She hits me up a few hours later when she gets off and comes over and we talk until 4AM and end up having sex. She stays until her shift the next evening. Texts me later that night after her shift saying she “had fun and hopes to see me again.”
I didn’t communicate with her over the weekend other than a text saying “Up for drinks this next week?”. No response from her and I didn’t reach out again.
Fast forward to today and no response from her. Giving her the benefit of the doubt – we’re on opposite schedules most of the week so maybe my texts that I sent during her work hours weren’t seen. I like this girl and felt like we hit it off but maybe I’m reading this all wrong? I don’t want to be too pushy but feel like I at least deserve a response one way or another.
Any advice?
5 comments
No response is a response
As far as next moves, chill and if she reaches back out great. If not you can send one more feeler text next week, to gauge interest/responsiveness, something innocuous like “hey how’s your week been,” or “hey how’d x event we talked about go”. If that goes well then ask her out again
If it’s been a week and still no response then her interest is probably gone. Probably best not to push at this point. People have their phone on them all the time and if they’re not texting you, they’re texting someone else.
Give it the full week, then you should leave it with this:
“Heya, I’m still interested in meeting up but at this point I’m going to leave the ball in your court. Feel free to HMU if you want to chat or meet up”
Something like that — I’m not mad, but I’m not going to message you again unless you’re interested
I’d try again, dude. I think guys get too discouraged by silence sometimes. Not all silence is created equal and given how many positive signs there were (the sex, the staying after sex for most of the next day, the hitting you up after), I would have a bit more confident persistence here. I would simply hit her up with a low pressure text like “Hey you” or some joke that calls back to something you connected on irl.
I recently was in a somewhat similar situation, though we didn’t go all the way. She hit me up when she got home and we bantered back and forth for a bit. A few days later I hit her up and got radio silence. So then I double texted 48 hours later with “guess not lol” and she immediately apologized, was receptive, and now we’re hanging out again next week.
Follow up after sex is a tricky thing and women, even if they enjoyed you and the sex, also sometimes feel a bit vulnerable in the days after. Far be it from me to say that women sometimes go quiet intentionally to see what the guy does lol. Is he going to blow up her phone with angry/needy texts? Is he going to throw the towel in immediately? But allowing a bit of space and then circling back in a chill way — which is totally legit given how she’s behaved in every other way but this ONE unanswered text — works well in my experience.
If she doesn’t reply then or gives you the runaround, then for sure move on. But I don’t think you’re quite there yet.
Wait a week (7 days no contact) ask again “hey, let’s hangout again when are you free?”
If nothing again move on