This is embarrassing but I [20F] have never had an orgasm before. I got out of a 5-year long relationship last year and while we were sexually active, I was never able to orgasm. They were the only sexual partner I’ve ever had. I always communicated with them, but I just don’t think we were sexually compatible. Sex with them usually felt very passive and emotionless (maybe this didn’t help because I could never truly relax.)
As for masturbation, I started when I was around 10-11. I never directly touched my genitals with my hands, but I would cross my legs while I sat and I would press down with my hands (anyone else do that?) and when laying down, I would bunch up my sheets between my legs and… y’know. I still do those things today. I’ve fingered myself before, but it doesn’t feel very good (it feels better when someone else is doing it.)
Anyway, while these methods do feel good, I think I get tired/overstimulated very quickly, and a lot of the time if I go for too long I start feeling a weird sense of guilt and embarrassment. I didn’t grow up in an overly religious or conservative household by any means, so I can’t understand why. My mom even bought me a toy last year! (It’s not a very good one though so I don’t use it that often. Very bulky.)
Sometimes it feels like my body isn’t mine to touch. Or I get scared that I’ll hurt myself. It makes me so sad. It’s something I really struggle with to the point where I can’t take myself or my pleasure seriously, and it affects so many parts of my life and drains my confidence. It’s so hard for me to even try to look sexy while taking pictures. I just feel stupid.
I know this was a long read, but if you’re here, I appreciate you. If no advice can be offered, then just having a space to vent is helpful. Thank you for listening 🙂
2 comments
Ok, Number one I think it would really help you to look up some videos and watch how other people pleasure themselves and try out different methods until you find the one you feel most comfortable with, second I think it’s gonna be very important to set yourself the right mood, start a routine, pick a day off, sleep in, take a nice long bath with some relaxing soap, then go into your room, lock the door, put on some soothing music, light some candles with scents you really like, and just block out the world while exploring yourself, sometimes reading erotic stories or even listening to them can help, your imagination is key, you can even watch some female made porn(I’d look up sites specifically made for women because the vids will be more appealing trust me) if you need more stimulation, another big thing is to maybe visit a sex shop or go online and pick out a toy you really would want to use. And finally I think therapy would really help you, because I think once you can move past your negative feelings towards your body I think you will have a much easier time
This may be a little out of the box, and not targeted towards you at all, but what I found very helpful is instead of being ashamed of being a slut(non gender oreinted) why not want to be one.
When you think about the context you will start to find there is very few negatives so long as you go about sex smart and respectively.
It first starts with the definition: what is a slut to you? Is it just a person who enjoys sex? Or person who engages in unsafe sex with multiple people and has no regard for other people’s emotions. Realistically a slut is a person who enjoys sex. A person who engages In unsafe practices and treats people poorly is not a slut but just an awful person in general.
The next step is understanding why a person who is not you would be ashamed of enjoying sex(being a slut). This is where it gets really weird because there is no reason not to enjoy sex unless you can’t. When you are born there is a point in your life where your path splits when your decision of sex is good or bad is made. What influences that decision comes in many forms but to simplify there are 3.
1. You get a decent sex drive and the euphoria is good enough for you not to question that it is bad at all and in fact may be addicting.
2.you never had a sex drive and you find the behavior of others who do very odd due to not understanding what would drive them. Eventually turning into a form of resentment as it is comprehensible that the person who has a sex drive gets a euphoric experience they may be missing out on.
3. You have a sex drive but you were taught it’s bad and the link between the sympathetic nervous system and any thoughts of sex tend to form.
If you have a sex drive just be patient and learn to embrace it. To do that you need to love thy self and wish the same for others. Hope this helps.