Hi everyone, a few weeks ago my(21F) bf (23M) broke up with me out of the blue.
When I mean out of the blue I mean we didn’t have a fight or complication. The day before he talked about how he can’t wait for us to get married and have kids, and all the futuristic things couples talk about.
He didn’t give me any reason for breaking up with me other than a “gut feeling”. He told me that his therapist told him that he owes me no explanation for doing it.
I just don’t understand how someone could go from “I can’t wait to marry you” to “I don’t want this relationship to continue”.
The worst part is that this relationship was the best relationship I have ever been in. He did everything right. He loved me better than anyone else. I feel like he love bombed me. We were only together for 3 months but it felt way more. I feel so stupid, used, and betrayed. How do I get over this breakup especially if he didn’t give me a reason, the relationship was amazing, and I have nothing to hate on other than the fact he blind sided me.
I feel so dumb.
TL;DR
My bf broke up with me for no reason and I don’t know how to move on or get closure
5 comments
Unfortunately, you’re simply not going to know why.
It really sucks that he broke up with you like this. While he’s right that he doesn’t OWE you an explanation, it’s normal to give one. Even if it’s just “I lost attraction”, giving a reason is the more common thing to do.
That being said, him talking about marriage and children at three months in is pretty bad. That’s veryyyyy fast and does edge toward love bomb territory. You two needed to at least slow your roll.
You don’t have to hate anyone to get over a breakup. There are lots of breakups that don’t have a “bad guy”, or where there’s no one to blame but time and outside circumstances. Closure comes from telling yourself that you did your best with what information you had, and that it’s ok things didn’t work. It won’t feel real yet, but keep telling yourself it and you will take one step closer every day.
If he love bombed you then he didnt do anything right, he made illusions which makes him not real at all. Sorry for the breakup but your closure is that he doesnt want you enough. Hold onto that and remind yourself you are a 21 year old girl who has lifetime to find more suitable. You dont need someone who is this unstable in your life.
The main thing you can do when a relationship does not work out is learn from it and move on. This relationship never even got past the honeymoon phase, so a big thing you can learn from it for the future is not to rush a relationship and get so invested when it’s too early to have any idea if it is actually a solid relationship or not. I would say that if you are not long distance, then around the 7 or 8 month mark is when you start to see if a relationship has true potential. The fact that he was discussing wanting to marry you at the three month mark or sooner was a red flag, not a sign that he was invested. It was a sign that he was more into being in a relationship than he was into being in a relationship with you.
We’ve all been there. Whirlwind romances can knock you off your feet, then leave you in the dust. Of course, he doesnt “owe” you an explanation, but if he were a decent person, he would provide one. Let this just be a lesson for taking things slowly and getting to know someone before becoming too emotionally invested. Saying the “L” word too soon is usually an indicator of infatuation and not a lasting relationship.
He might have Borderline Personality Disorder sounds a lot like my ex. I recommend looking at r/bpdlovedones