The guy I’m dating doesn’t want to commit. We have religious differences that would complicate a deeper relationship. We talked it over a few months ago and agreed to be friends with limited benefits (no sex.)
It was going fine but he recently has been asking for a lot more of my time. I’m a busy single mom and I’d like to date other people so that someday I can have a long-term committed relationship. At this point, he is the one that contacts me every single time and I have to say no to him a lot.
I’m not sure how to have this conversation with him. I’d love some outside perspective on the relationship. I’m coming from a history of abuse and don’t know how to navigate healthy relationships. He’s always been respectful and kind and I can usually have hard conversations with him but this one is tricky.
4 comments
If you don’t know how to navigate healthy relationships, I’m not sure that you should be involved with anyone at all.
The man doesn’t want to commit but wants your time. This isn’t what you’re looking for, so tell him that and that you don’t want to be friends. It doesn’t need to be perfect or eloquent, just clear.
What is a
>friends with limited benefits (no sex.)
Surely that is just a friend? In what way do you think of it differently?
It sounds like you’re not compatible as friends with benefits. Not to mention if you’re looking for a serious, committed relationship, maintaining a FWB is going to complicate that search.
Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor. If you find it challenging to navigate healthy relationships, then an unbalanced situationship is the last thing you need.
It might be best to simply acknowledge that this connection has run its course. Tell him you care for him and have enjoyed your time together, but you’ve realized that you need to move on.
End this on a positive note, and give yourself a clean break.
Just politely say you’re busy and reply as much / as little as you want to. If he keeps messaging you, you can mute notifications from him.
Don’t feel guilty about doing this. It is normal. If you’re not in a relationship, you don’t have to be accountable to him (or anyone else) about how you spend your time on a daily basis. I regularly take my time to get back to friends. Sometimes, I deprioritize replying if I’m busy too.
Also, not sure what your agreement with him was but if need be, clarify that you guys are just regular friends and not dating.