How long is a reasonable amount of time to wait after child birth before opening the discussion. My partner and I had our beautiful daughter four months ago. She told me she lost her libido and I’ve been giving her space to figure it out. I’m affectionate, but not pushy. I don’t really know how to start the conversation about when/if we will ever have sex again. We’re getting along great and our baby is doing really well. I’m just scared that this will become a permanent thing. I know I’ll never ever take regular steady intercourse for granted again. Horniest I’ve been since I was a teenager…
Before the birth, we had a wild and wonderfully passionate sex life right up until delivery. That’s how we got in this situation!
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“Hey, I know your body has been through a lot and you’re doing an awesome job with this parenting thing, but I am really starting to miss our intimate connection(or whatever phrase you can come up with). I really don’t want to pressure you, but I’ve been feeling super horny and into you and I’d really like to ve with you again.”
With my 2 kids it was completely different. The first time was lots of problems afterwards (lots of stiches) so took a while to get back into things but it was there again.
With my wife we had a girl 3 years ago and it was nearly back to normal with in weeks.
Every case is different but don’t be afraid to talk to her and tell her your worried but be sympathetic to what she says.
As a side note; milky tit fucks are amazing
You should have already had the conversation – but you have to understand that it typically takes anywhere from a few weeks to quite a few months for a woman’s libido to return after childbirth. Some women can go a year or so.
Factors to keep in mind:
* her hormones are likely way out of whack.
* she likely does not feel attractive, sexy after the changes in her body
* she’s as tired as she’s ever been.
* a woman’s mindset naturally shifts to child care and nurturing after birth
* if she’s nursing, it can sometimes cause libido loss to persist
Talk to her in a non sexual setting. Don’t attack, don’t push, don’t demand – but communicate respectfully that you miss sex. It may be well worth scheduling sex – many couples discover that as unsexy as this sounds, scheduling sex gives it importance and makes it happen, and libido follows.
A big note – make certain that you are helping with the baby and with household stuff. Get up in the middle of the night, etc. Don’t let her feel isolated or like it’s her and the baby against the world.
*edit – typos*
Start with just being a man, complement her, do something random, plan a picnic without her knowing, organize a pamper day at a spa, the full body massage all the bells n whistles to make her feel good about herself, put some aftershave on after a shower that you know she likes, sometimes it’s just a switch you need to flick to trigger the desire 🎶.
Be fucking patient
Well, I think the conversation is going to have to happen. And I don’t know how the birth went, but for me, it hurt for months after. I didn’t have a super traumatic delivery or anything but had 2nd degree tears and it’s like the perineum skin needed to gradually stretch. Certain positions, like doggy, were no-gos for a while. And sometimes we’d just have to stop intercourse so more oral and handies. Now everything is fine and I don’t have pain there. I barely made breast milk so my prolactin levels probably were never that high, but that hormone can cause libidos to be low too so if she’s breastfeeding, that could be a major reason.
See a doctor
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If it helps:
I had a horrendous birth with my first and it took a good six months before it didn’t feel like the stitches/wound would just tear open. Coupled with being self conscious about my changed body, a kid who didn’t sleep more than an hour at a time, wouldn’t be put down and fed all the time and I was just exhausted and touched out and I had zero interest for about a year (felt very guilty about it, but was just overwhelmed and traumatised). I run a toddler group now and so many new mums complain of needing quiet/alone time and of being touched out. Once they get this interest in sex usually increases.
It took a while and going slow and remembering what I enjoyed about sex so it didn’t just feel like another chore, but it came back. Now I have a higher sex drive than my husband and enjoy finding new stuff to try out. Have the conversation with her to find out what’s going on in her head – it’s probably a number of things, be prepared to take it slowly but it most likely will come back, especially as the kid becomes more independent and not attached to her all the time. The first year is a complete bitch.
Sorry for the long comment but hopefully there is something in it that is relevant, helps ans gives reassurance.