I’m a 38f and I’ve been single 3 and a half years. I’m not interested in getting into a serious relationship as my life is just too hectic already. I get two weekends a month without my kids and in this time I need to fit in time with friends, time for me, and time to date, no relationship can develop in that sorry of time constraint so it’s pointless trying.
However, I’m still human. I’m attractive, I don’t look my age, and I’m on dating apps to look for a FWB situation really. I’m honest, upfront about what I want? and I have good chat. So I match, chat, explain the situation, and usually will decide a day to meet up for a drink when I’m free so we can take it from there. Sounds easy right? I mean a lot of men would LOVE this right? A woman who wants sex with no commitment.
And yet, we will chat at most two weeks (depends when we matched as I usually arrange something for my next free weekend), then as the day gets closer, the chat gets quieter, they end up ghosting or cancelling last minute. One actually told me ‘I’ve lost my nerve’ because he got a spot on his chin 🫤
You’re no doubt all going to come at me for being a woman and *shock horror* liking sex, or no doubt will tell me it’s my fault blah blah blah, and it’s the men I keep choosing (I actually don’t have a type tbh, you could t predict who I will match with next) but this happens all the time to my single friends too! The ones who want relationships and those who don’t.
So men – are you scared? Or just enjoy giving it all the big talk then when it comes to it, too afraid to back it up with actions 🤷🏽♀️
EDIT:
The men I talk to know are not being fooled, they know what I want, snd claim to want the same. I talk to them extensively
Ive been on these apps 3 years and know exactly how to handle myself. Any advice you give me, I already do. So thank you, but it’s not needed.
I don’t actually date men my own age or older. I already date younger so you don’t need to inbox me advise that with either.
16 comments
Sounds like you’re swiping on either insecure men or men where you’re not one of their top priority matches.
Plenty of men are willing to date. One of the main complaints on here from guys is women taking their sweet time getting comfortable to meet (some women encounter that problem with men as well).
Dating is just kind of a shitshow, especially for those of us past 30 (32m here). And I get it. I used to look for fwb stuff after throwing in the towel on finding a relationship. Then covid happened and I’m just kinda throwing in the towel on dating at this point.
>You’re no doubt all going to come at me for being a woman and shock horror liking sex, or no doubt will tell me it’s my fault blah blah blah, and it’s the men I keep choosing (I actually don’t have a type tbh, you could t predict who I will match with next) but this happens all the time to my single friends too! The ones who want relationships and those who don’t.
????? Are you okay?
Your situation reads like really bad luck. It’s a “just keep trying until you find someone who’s not an idiot” situation. And I think you’re making a good decision for yourself, speaks for you to realize and admit that a relationship is not in the cards due to the time investment it requires. It’s mature.
Depends on the age really. Guys your age are probably busy with work and maybe kids but if you look down for guys in their 20s they’re usually more fun and available to say the least.
This is coming from a 22 years old guy btw who has had his own share of older women who definitely know what they want 🙂
In the time I was on the apps, I realized that it didn’t matter where you stood – attractive or not, wanting something serious or not, and everything else, – it’s always a shitshow and it takes a very long time to find exactly what you’re looking for on there, because luck is a massive factor.
I’m 35, a dude, I first looked for something serious, ended up hoping for any fwb or short flits just to have some sort of intimacy, and ended up throwing in the towel. Even my attractive and succesful friends describe dating apps as a permanent tornado where nothing makes sense.
If you’re in Florida hit me up…maybe the guys you’re picking aren’t actually men
Yes because I’m nervous. I’d rather make friends and if we get on together really well then I’ll date because I won’t have anything to be nervous.
>You’re no doubt all going to come at me for being a woman and shock horror liking sex
Nope. This is a beaten to death trope that frankly, nobody is really pushing except for the fringiest of puritanical right-wing America. Most normal people with emotional maturity acknowledge that men and women think sex is an important and healthy part of life.
I think where your struggles are coming is that you are automatically assuming that any man would be chomping at the bit for a FWB situation when in reality, a lot of men in your age range (not sure what that is but I’ll just assume 35-45) have gone through the FWB phase, sown their oats, are probably also divorced or out of a long term relationship and would like their dates and their free time to come with a bit of meaning behind it.
I’m 37 and divorced. Did a FWB thing for a month but while we were hanging out, I still dated other people. When I found something that had the chance of developing, I cut things off with the FWB. At my age, I’d rather share myself with someone with the potential of it growing into something meaningful.
There are a few things you should take into consideration when it comes to men
Just because you want casual sex doesn’t mean any dude would look at that and feel lucky to have the opportunity. Unlike what society says, a lot of men want meaningful relationships.
Lastly, it also depends on what type of guy you want to have casual sex with. You might be aiming at guys above your pay grade. No matter how attractive you might think you are, there are so many attractive women out here today. If you just want penis, And don’t care exactly how his face looks, there is definitely a good size market out there Of dudes with those descriptions.
>Are men scared of dating?
I was expecting something else when I clicked the title. You aren’t looking for *dating*, you’re looking for a FWB – you even said as much in your post.
*”I’m on dating apps to look for a FWB situation really”*
*”I mean a lot of men would LOVE this right? A woman who wants sex with no commitment.”*
Perhaps something is coming up through the course of your chats in advance that is winding up making them to lose interest. Are you telling people you’re looking to date, then explaining you’re really just after something physical when your schedule allows for it? Have you ever video chatted with any of these guys ahead of the time? Maybe they think you’re catfishing, or that you’re married.
You’re in your late 30’s, have kids, don’t have time to actually have sex.
Even if you’re hot piece of ass no man is gonna jump into that. If you don’t have time to fuck that guy is never gonna fuck.
It’s either the above or they don’t believe you just want a FWB situation at 38. I know I wouldn’t believe you. I would think you’re trying to baby trap me.
Just being honest. Hope this helps.
Male 42 and live in the UK. Yeah, the apps are pretty crap at the moment.
I admit I get busy with hobbies, friends, family but if I make plans with someone I stick to them. It’s not fair to mess people around.
Some of us Good Men are just tired of being strung along, or being let down by lame excuses or just flat up disrespected and played. So we rather seek solace or peace alone in our careers, hobbies or friends/family instead of being with the wrong person. Yeah dating is a shitshow and nobody is perfect hell I know I am not. the problem is most people seek this partner that works less than 40 hours a week, makes great money, and is always there emotionally and whatnot, which congratulations that is only 2% of the population. the best you can get is 2 out of the 3 out of most people. I know this is a bit ranty and don’t mean it to come off that way but this is the unfortunate situation of what unrealistic standards have down to most good people.
Are you by chance in NE Ohio?
This reminds me of something a while back.
You hear about all these “fuck Bois” who harass women for action but the second someone puts out what they want with no catch, all they get is crickets.
I will say this, I’m also recently out of a relationship and I’m not 100% sure I want commitment but if someone was straight up like you? I’d take it. Simply because I also don’t got time or energy to nurture something but still got physical needs.
Anywho, wish you the best in your search!
I’m gay and it’s still the same thing. Almost dated a guy and he was so scared of getting into something that I never heard from him again.
I hate to say it, but women who come right out and say they want sex on dating apps usually turn out to be catfish trolls, scammers, or bots. If you came at me saying you wanted a FWB situation, I’d say, okay, sure, and how much is that gonna cost me?