ETA: update! I saw him last night, we talked and everything is great. I explained to him that I have very strong feelings for him but I’m not quite there yet in terms of being in Love. He was very supportive and understanding. We are not “exclusive” yet either even though he would like to be, but I told him I need until the end of the month ( so we have plenty of time for in person dates) and he’s been very supportive about that too. So far so good.
I’ve been dating a guy I met in OLD for about 1.5 months now. We definitely have connected incredibly and I can completely see a LTR with him. I have very strong feelings for him at this point. He told me via text tonight that he’s in love with me. I then told him “ it’s too early for you to really tell yet” because I was so shocked and it was an attempt to slow him down a bit. I knew he had strong feelings, he had been communicating that, but telling me he loves me that early kind of freaked me out. Not because I don’t have strong feelings, it’s because I feel like it’s not normal to fall in love that fast and it might be a red flag. He’s had a few relationships that got serious quickly and that’s obviously caused some concern as well. Am I overreacting? Guys, what is the earliest you’ve told a woman you are in love with them?
50 comments
🍿🍿🍿
Not a man but I’ve had more than one man drop this on me in a short span of time. Most of the men who dropped the hard L on me didn’t even know much about me on a personal level and many of them moved on swiftly to their next love-of-their-life at the first bump of trouble or when I just ended it due to discomfort with them.
Until it’s Harry giving me the speech he gave Sally on New Years Eve about all the reasons why he loves me including very specific details over our shared history then I can’t take a guy of 1.5 months seriously if he’s dropping some L bombs.
Hmm, I can fall in love within 1 day (instant chemistry, which led me to maintain several female bestfriends for over 10 years). I wouldn’t use the L word until it’s been around a year at least
My ex husband told me he loved me 2 weeks into dating. We were really drunk. We wound up together for almost 20 years, married for 14 of them. So it can happen.
I’m not a man, but I think it depends on the relationship and how much time you’ve spent together. If you’ve spent a lot of time together and gotten to know a lot about each other it’s possible to be falling in love that quickly. It’s happened to me, though I have never said it so quickly and usually wait until about the 4 month mark. I do think it’s kind of strange they he would say it through text for the first time.
Did his previous relationships that moved quickly also fizzle out quickly and end badly? If so then it might be something to worry about. If not, he might just be someone who knows his feelings and isn’t shy about being upfront about them, which isn’t a bad thing. Take the relationship as a whole and his past into consideration. If you don’t feel the same yet that’s perfectly understandable, and his reaction to you telling him that will say a lot.
Around the one year mark for me. I want to make it’s me who loves them and not chemicals in the brain.
I don’t really have a timeline for it. In all honesty it’s probably the second I have no fear that I won’t get it back.
A month in. I fell hard. But as they say, “The shortest flames burn the brightest.”
10 times a day. But I don’t say it out loud.
I can’t say exactly. I can say the exact moment I was sure she was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I was 19, just out of high school, wed been dating for 2 years, and without going into details about my life, I was homeless when I graduated high school a year before her. I was trying to use all my savings to rent an apartment. She convinced her mother to cosign the lease, and used her money to pay the deposit on my electric and buy me a bed. She did it without me asking for it because she knew I wouldn’t.
We got married a little over a year later. We were together for just over 20 years until she passed away.
As a gay man, I tend to fall for the guy too quick if he’s very nice or promising. But I’d rationalize it as a crush rather than love.
Ask yourself what it matters most to you. Does it matter to you? Does it freak you out? I personally would not say “I love you” that early, even though I may have a strong feeling about the person. For the reason you’re feeling right now. I don’t wanna freak the person out. Sometimes it’s hard to distinguish between crush and love.
If I were you, I’d take it as a compliment and I’d probably say something like “I like you too”. But I won’t buy “love” yet.
I’ve always known after a month. I can’t imagine dating someone for a month and not having a really good idea how I felt about her.
Everyone falls at their own pace that will be dependent on their partner, right? But I’m just here like HE TOLD YOU VIA TEXT MESSAGE?!!?
Like, what! … ???
(Also I think strong feelings can emerge quickly if compatibility and connection are there, but I’d ballpark about 3 months to know if you’re in the * process * of falling for someone. Listen to your gut on his pacing because that concern you have is valid and you should trust yourself)!
30 minutes over a coffee. First time I ever met her.
I read a study a few weeks ago that most men say they love a woman after 2 months of dating. I don’t think 1.5 months is weird. It’s the honeymoon phase love but it’s still love
More than a week, less than a month. We shared our deepest baggage and neither of us blinked. We made eachother feel safe and loved. I wish she were able to be with me.
My partner said it after 3 1/2 weeks, BUT he was kinda embarrassed and said he knew it was crazy, didn’t want to scare me, and didn’t expect me to say it unless I was ready to. He said he just wanted to be honest. I said it and meant it a few weeks later. I grow to love him even more as the years go by, 10 years and counting, so the first love declaration isn’t the only one. It repeats and changes and hopefully grows.
There is a difference between honestly expressing feeling and love bombing. And there is no such thing as a normal timeframe. Every relationship is different so just trust your instincts.
3-6months.
My ex and I would say ‘I like you’ when we had tender moments pretty early on. Maybe 3-4 weeks in? Really it was our way of saying I love you and I think we both knew it but didn’t want to say it upfront so early on. The first time we said I love you to each other, he said that when he was telling he ‘likes’ me, he meant love. I told him that was what I was doing too. Our relationship lasted for 9 years. We broke up for various reasons, but the love is still mutual
Yeah….met someone two months ago and he seemed like “the one”. We never said ILY, thankfully. But over the honeymoon stage of us both being enamored, I came to realize he is insecure, self-deprecating, stifling, and emotionally incapable of seeing fault in any of his actions, has a drinking problem. We moved so quickly because he was insanely needy and codependent and I thought we just clicked.
Not saying it can’t happen quickly and positively, but I think once the excitement of it wears off and you see the true colors come through, then you’ll see the potential or lack thereof…
My greatest weakness is that I have absolutely no armor around my heart. It is a critical design flaw. It takes 35 seconds (I’ve counted) before I start planning my future with some beautiful mystery that I just met.
I’m a female, but I told my current partner I loved him about a month in. If even that long, to be honest, time has seemed to warp due to COVID and whatnot. We spent big chunks of time together upfront (every date lasted at least a couple of days). Anyhow, he said it back which I wasn’t expecting. We’re still together, just took our first short vacation together, and still in love.
It’s still “early times”, but we’ve made it through our ‘honeymoon stage’ and we’ll, he’s not scared away frim me. Well, at least not because I fell in love quickly haha. I’d likely not believe it if someone had told me as fast. But this feels right, for me.
Be very careful. Your intuition is speaking. Listen.
I’m of the opinion you can fall in love with the idea of someone very fast. A glance, 30 minutes, a few months. This has no basis in reality because you literally don’t know the person. You love the idea of them. Massive difference.
Not a guy but I have 2 scenarios.
1st one: I was on a second date with this guy that I’d been texting with for a while, he seemed cool and though eh why not meet up so we did.
The dude literally said he wanted me to move into his house, get married, have a little girl, which he already named, and other stuff.
He went wayyyyyyyy to fast for me. Went in for a kiss on second date and I didn’t feel shit, in fact I felt sick to my stomach. I thought he was going WAY too fast. We’d been texting (no calls) for some time before meeting but that was just a hell no for me.
2nd guy:
We talked for some time, calls and text, all great! For maybe about 2 weeks on and off, then finally met in person, hit it off, we fell hard for eachother. Maybe a 1 week or week and a half said I love you because WE FELT (sorry idk how to do the emphasis on words so I capitalize them for emphasis, not to yell) like we were both in love. Everything was amazing! So I thought. Fast forward, we have 2 kids and have been together for 6 years now.
It’s different for everyone. Definitely listen to your gut though, if you feel there’s a red flag because of xyz, maybe voice them🤷♀️
My relationship now did suffer through some things that I overlooked for being in love. So my advice, take your time if you feel like YOU need too and don’t rush. If love is there for both of you it will live on and if it doesn’t then it doesn’t. But please communicate your concerns. I wish I did at the very beginning & be understanding and open with their response, hopefully they will be the same with you.
I had a woman call me to tell me she loved me after hanging out with her ONCE. I completely took it as a joke and laughed it off, but she was legitimately serious. One date…
Well, I just woke up and had to go to the grocery store, must have been 8-9 times for today.
Not a man, but a couple of months in, I asked my bf if he believed in love at first sight. He answered with, “Of course. I met you, didn’t I?”
I thought it was sweet, but the look on his face after he said it suggested he was afraid he’s scared me. Little did he know I was already in love with him. We didn’t end up saying it to each other til around 6 months though (He said it first).
It honestly depends on the person and the relationship. There is such a thing as “love bombing”, but there isn’t a time limit as when you should feel it. You feel it when you feel it and sometimes people have a hard time containing how they feel.
It isn’t a big enough red flag on its own. I would call this a false positive. Whether it is infatuation, strong feelings, inexperience, insecurity or someone that doesn’t form close connections with someone easily, catching feelings, it is completely possible that he just knows you are meant to be…. but more times than not it is just part of a toxic build up of control. Without knowing the full facts it isn’t possible or reasonable to suggest which one.
You should never allow someones show of emotion or affection cloud your own judgement or try to fast track into something special. Him getting serious quickly in past relationships is the red flag… but ironically, with this experience, doesn’t necessary mean he isn’t being sincere now. It is for exactly the same reason why someone that has had a failed relationship or marriage, can go on to have a successful one.
I think unless he can look you in the eye and say it – with the pronoun – then he isn’t quite at the stage he thinks he is. But I think you should be more open with him telling you that you can see a LTR with him and that you have strong feelings for him, but you aren’t comfortable hearing him saying he is in love, and you want to slow things down. If he disappears/fade/flakes after this then you have your answer.
I think you can tell if you’re gonna love someone or not 3-4 weeks in, even if you’ve never said anything out loud
I fall quick and I fall hard, first/second date fast. But I’m not gonna say anything for at least 3-5 months.
Note: yes I know it’s a problem and I’m working on it.
I have a similar story. I dated a guy I had seen around for maybe a few weeks at my summer job at the time. (We both worked at a resort) he asked me out and we dated for about a month. Then he invited me to a bbq at his parents house (which i was reluctant about and didn’t really wanna go but didn’t know yet how to properly set boundaries) where he introduced me to them and his brother and sister and then I played with the cat the rest of the night cause I was so awkward and they were kinda weird. Then the week after that we were suppose to go on a date to the zoo but then he asked me last minute if it was ok that his two best friends (a girl and a guy) went with us as well with their their bf and gf. So a triple date with his closest friends I’ve never met. And after that we went to hang out at the girls house where she kindly drilled me and vouched for him saying how he deserves the best cause yes such a great guy. And this happened all in a short month of me dating him and not even knowing what his favorite color was yet. Then two days after that I spend the night at his place for the first time and the next morning he said: is it ok if I call you my girlfriend now?:) not quite the Lword but it made me feel weird nonetheless cause I was no where near that point yet still just getting to know him in my mind meanwhile he was already three levels up. I broke it off after the summer and he was crushed
I tapped on my now late wife shoulder to ask for a pen in 7th grade when she turned around i told her “i am going to marry you”. We got married on her 18th birthday we where together 11 years before she passed away.
I think time is an arbitrary measure here. It’s about the quality of your interactions. I’ve known people for years and don’t love them. I’ve known people for a few weeks and loved them. It really isn’t mathematical.
My husband and I told each other we loved each other a month in. 3 months in, I texted my best friend and said I was marrying this dude. Been together 7+ years now with a house, dog and good life.
36 fell in love in 1 month. Nit my normal speed at all. But when you know……
A small incident happened on our first date happened which made me totally fall in love with him. I knew that I had found my soulmate by the second date. The attraction- mentally, emotionally and physically- was exceptionally intense, nothing like anything I had ever experienced before. We have been together for over six years and it has not waned at all. Our love has evolved and deepened over the years and is indescribably special and beautiful.
Nearly every man I have fallen deeply in love with has turned out to be incredibly toxic and controlling. The men who I’ve been lukewarm about always fell in love with me, but I found them boring. I don’t understand love lol. I don’t believe there is a set timeline for it. All I know is that when I feel it, it is very strong and I would take a bullet for that person. I acknowledge and accept their flaws and strengths. I choose to be with them. For me, that’s love, but I’ve learned to be more discerning about who I give my love to as I have been very dumb and naive in the past. I don’t think it’s too early, but if you feel uncomfortable, I’d just pay attention to why you feel that way. It could be so many reasons. Always trust your intuition, but also realize it could just be fear you need to work through as well.
Overreacting? I don’t know, maybe but probably not? The guy seems like he might have some codependency issues. I don’t think you should break things off just yet. It seems like you guys need to have an open honest discussion about this. Sit him down and talk about it as rationally and respectfully as humanly possible, let him fully communicate why he feels this way and explain what led him to feel this way. Then take your turn and explain yourself and feelings to him. If he can’t get through that simple exercise in communication without exhibiting some irrational behavior like getting really sad or angry (at you or himself) then yeah… You ain’t overreacting. Guy’s damaged goods and you might wanna reevaluate this paradigm you 2 have.
I fell in love with my wife on our first date. Didn’t say it until months in because I figured it would sound creepy but I’ve told her since. We fight for each other every day and have been together for 6 years with no signs of ever stopping.
Isnt there a difference between being in love with someone and actually loving someone? For me it was always a different feeling when someone said ‘i’m in love with you’ vs ‘i love you’
I haven’t been in relationships long enough to fall in love, actually I have only been in love once in my life. But a good friend of mine falls in love instantly with any woman he sleeps with (no he won’t tell them). For a long time I did not believe him, but its quite curious how it works.
I’ve said it in about a month before, but I also wouldn’t dream of saying it the first time over text. Also, if it seemed like I was too far ahead of the other person, I’d hold off (and have) until it seemed their feelings had caught up some.
My dad fell in love in three days. They’re still married 30 years later.
I knew I loved my ex-wife within the first two weeks. I still love her to this day and we remain really great friends all though we weren’t able to make it work.
No time constraints to this. Some relationships start and quickly turn into white hot burning love. They dont need to last forever, nothing ever does, but that doesnt mean its not/wasnt love.
The guy I’m seeing told me he thinks he loves me last weekend.
We only met 3 weeks ago.
We have spent a lot of time together since we met. Lots of sleepovers and stuff. Which is really unusual for me.
I don’t think I believe him, was probably just in the moment and he had a few beers.
I pretended not to hear him but then he text me the same thing.
The next day he apologised for it.
I’m a woman. The fastest I’ve ever fallen in love was pretty much at first sight. He was my first love and we were together 7 years. He told me after 2 weeks.
my dad proposed to my mom on their first date. she said to him “you’re fucking crazy, no” he persisted, they fell in love, married, had kids, and here I am. everyones different. my dad was always a jokester so it played out in a positive way but he seriously wanted to marry my mom the instant he met her- he just knew. go with your gut, dont depend on people on the internet on how to guide your life. your comfort pace is yours.
My SO told me he was falling for me about three weeks in. I was less than graceful. I’m a blurted and immediately responded “that’s because you’re an idiot.”
Luckily he gets me and just laughed about it and we had a good convo about how it takes time to really know someone.
We’ve been together over a year now and still going strong. We’ve definitely had some ups and downs but it’s also been the most emotionally (and physically) fulfilling relationship I’ve ever had.
Some people just jump in with both feet.
It’s not long term romantic love, it’s new relationship energy but we don’t have a quick shorthand word for it. Don’t focus on that word, just see if you’re at the same enthusiasm level and roll with it.
Walked into a room saw my wife told her to get rid of her boyfriend got married six kids 9 grandkids. In my middle 70’s. 75 actually. Just due things that make you happy and feel good. Happy things are the most important.