My (26f) boyfriend (26m) broke up with me in November for another woman. Ended up coming back a few months later. We were together for 7 years.
I’ve had trouble feeling no trust towards him and it doesn’t feel the same with him. I don’t think i was even close to healing from the heartbreak when we jumped back in.
I Iet him know I feel like second choice a few weeks ago, and he says I’m not and that he regrets what he did in November. Finally realized he wanted to marry me after 7 years together and leaving me for another woman.
Well, I had to go take care of my sick sister for a week And a half starting a week ago. The night before I left, he went out downtown by himself to get a couple drinks around 10:30pm, texted me he needs to sober up at 1am before driving home. This was the night right before I leave for a bit… he didn’t text me at all after saying to not wait up and go to sleep. He said he met a new friend and was hanging with him.. He didnt get home until 5:40am and I had to leave at 8:30am.
Hard to not feel like second choice still.
This time, im thinking of ending it myself with him.
I feel so hurt and disrespected.
Tldr: boyfriend making me feel like second choice, ditched me before leaving for a week and a half
13 comments
Wow why take him back he’s cheating again.
I’d have a hard time believing he was hanging out with a guy. I’d be suspicious that he was meeting up with another woman, try to get home a day earlier to “surprise” him. He probably figures since you took him back so quickly, that you would again
End this and block him on all the things so he can’t weasel his way back into your life.
Dump him, you deserve better, you have my support!
Yeah, if you had doubts before, you should be convinced by now.
He wants to have his cake and eat it too
You don’t trust him because he is not behaving in a trustworthy way. This is not a failing on your part, this is you knowing, deep down, that he is willing to cheat on you and even leave you when he thinks he has a better offer. When he starts to give off signs of cheating, of course you’re going to feel bad and worry what he’s up to. That’s the consequence of HIS behaviour.
It’s perfectly ok to leave a relationship once the trust is gone, no matter how long you’ve been together. It is irrelevant how much he professes to love you/have changed/be lost without you. He broke your trust and he’s clearly not reflected on how badly he hurt you. If he had, and was serious about this second chance he’s lucky to have, there’s no way he’d be giving you any reason to question his behaviour. He either doesn’t care if you leave him, or is so arrogant that he thinks you’ll forgive him anything.
Arrive home a couple of days early
You feel like a second choice because you are. Don’t ever let anyone treat you like this. This guy sucks.
Shouldn’t have taken him back the first time but here we are. He was obviously not with a new guy friend..Leave him fr.
If you took the cheating out of it and the ONLY thing that happened in your relationship thus far was this “staying out until 5:30 in the morning with a “new friend” he met at the bar” thing …. that would be too fucking much. Why does he need to go out alone the night before you leave? He’s going to have nights of alone time! A full fucking week! Why was he not able to Uber back and get his car in the morning, like a normal adult? Your sister is sick! What is this dude doing!?
Whatever he was doing was not good. This is just … not normal human behavior. People do not do this.
Add the rest of it back, it makes it worse.
ETA: Was he likely cheating? I’m gonna go with yes. Doesn’t matter if it was sexy flirting or full on fucking. In fact, it doesn’t matter at all if you ever find out. Because the barest facts of this situation are already … bizarre. I’m so mad on your behalf.
You have every right to feel disrespected and hurt and weird. I’d let this relationship go right quick.
ETA 2: I swear I’m done, but I just cannot wrap my mind around this. Because if he wanted to cheat, the logical thing would be to do it while you were away. This … this feels to me like he doesn’t actually want to date you, but doesn’t want to break up, so is going to do the shittiest thing he can at the worst time … to confuse you? Or get you to end it?
There is no relationship without trust.
He betrayed you before.
If he wants to make things right, he needs to put some serious action to it. Not just expect you to take his words for it.
Don’t marry this man. My ex broke up with me after we were together for 2 years and engaged. We got back together after a month. 14 years, one marriage and 1 kid later, he left again. Save yourself the heartache. If he leaves once, he’ll leave again.